Yah! Strip Poker!
by Pepsi Dragon
Summary: Kakashi, Gai, Genma and Gekkou got boobs from some Orochimaru jutsu! Iruka must help get the anti jutsu! Anko's not happy! Whee the next chapter is out!
1. Drunken Strip Poker

**Drunken Strip Poker**

It was around 5'o clock on the beautiful summers afternoon. Kakashi with his 'Icha Icha Paradise' book in front of his face as usual, was just crossing the little bridge.

Iruka was rushing towards Kakashi's direction, his arms clutched around a large cardboard box, full to the brim of his students' latest homework.

The paving stones on the bridge were old and worn out, so Iruka didn't see the slightly raised one which his right foot collided with.

Iruka's face froze in shock as the box took flight and he plummeted face first towards the hard ground. In one swift motion, Kakashi dropped his precious book and caught Iruka by his shoulders; his sweaty face inches from the ground, Iruka mumbled a breathless "Arigato".

Iruka's students' homework had drifted off in all sorts of directions, many of them following the box and landing with a plop in the gentle river below.

Watching from behind Kakashi was a serious looking ninja with a rather long toothpick stuck out from the corner of his mouth.

He sighed lightly then quickly retrieved all traces of the homework and then stood at Kakashi's side facing the rather irritated Iruka.

"Whassup Genma-kun?" Kakashi said picking up his little orange book and resuming his lost page.

Iruka had taken his now falling apart homework box off Genma and was staring at it in horror as the ink ran all over the mushy paper, making it completely illegible.

"Damn it!" Iruka grumbled, "How the hell am I supposed to mark it now?"

Genma grinned at the frustrated man before him and his toothpick turned upwards to match his amused expression.

Kakashi however, was so deeply engrossed in his pervy little book, did nothing but grin under his mysterious black mask.

"You know Iruka, you should be more careful" Genma chimed, "You work too much anyways…you're a workaholic man."

Iruka fumbled through the slimy box he was caressing, trying desperately to find a homework that had not been ruined, a massive frown was pasted on his nice tanned face.

"You should try being an alcoholic instead…it's much more fun…" Genma smiled, his toothpick bobbing up and down between his lips.

"Or a chocoholic." Kakashi suggested, closing his book tenderly.

Iruka looked up and sighed, the soggy cardboard box looked like mush in his arms, Genma grinned heartily for the pitiful Iruka and then smacked the mush back into the river.

"Hey!" Iruka protested, "I was- "

"Come on lets go have some fun" Kakashi chuckled, ignoring Iruka's frustration and rounding up the two men by putting his arms around their shoulders.

A couple of minutes later, Kakashi, Genma and a slightly uncomfortable Iruka were sitting at the back off a pub with an ice-cold pint before each of them.

Kakashi was sat next to a wall, with a smiley Genma next to him and Iruka sat opposite Genma wondering why he wasn't at home peacefully marking some students' work.

Genma snatched up his pint and drank it down in one ferocious gulp, Kakashi preferred to sip at his, but Iruka just sat there timidly looking at Genma and Kakashi, who were in turn staring at him. This made Iruka feel very awkward.

"Come on Iruka-kun relaaaax! Y'know, your wound up so tight all the time…you need to unwind and chill" Genma said whilst gesturing to the bartender for more drinks.

Kakashi brought out a slightly squashed and slightly melted box of chocolates from his jacket pocket and waved it under Iruka and Genma's faces.

Seeing that they did not want any, he opened his little pervy book again and began to eat the chocolates himself. To do this he had to take off his mask, and so he did, placing it on the table.

Kakashi was always reluctant to take off his mask in public, because some people reacted weirdly towards his exposed face. Like those people at that ramen place, who had funny swoony expressions on their faces when they saw it. Kakashi's face was just too damn handsome for some people to handle!

"Hey Iruka-kun, lets have a drinking competition, eh?" Genma suggested pushing several pints and shots of alcohol towards Iruka. "We'll play a couple of games and drink up!"

About half an hour later, Kakashi had finished off his chocolates and was licking the plastic chocolate tray clumsily. Genma had managed to get Iruka to unwind and play various loud drinking games, which had now resulted in both of them being wildly drunk and beetroot faced.

"Uhh…Genmaaaa-kuuun!" Iruka hiccoughed, "I wanna play summore!"

Genma was stuck in a funny daze and his toothpick had ended up in his hand and he was using it to poke Kakashi's thigh.

"Hey!" Kakashi squealed, remains of his chocolate were on the tip of his nose, "I'm trying to read 'ere"

And so, Kakashi continued reading his book, he was a few pages from finishing so he stared intently at it, but Genma and Iruka's drunken singing was severely destroying his concentration, so Kakashi gave up and drank the remainder of his pint, with Genma still poking him every now and then with that really pointy toothpick.

It was now 8pm and the sky had gone a warm pink and blue colour. Genma's close friend Gekkou joined the drunken lot and wondered if they'd want to make the evening a little more interesting.

Gekkou pulled out a pretty deck of gold-rimmed cards and began shuffling them artistically, before slamming it down amongst the table cluttered with empty alcohol containers and sat down next to the swaying Iruka.

The glorious game of strip poker ended with Iruka in his birthday suit and Genma strangely in no pants. Kakashi had only had to take off his jacket and Gekkou, somehow had won every round. They had all downed a shot between every round and all off them were red in the face and looked like blushing idiots.

"Whoooo! I feel wonky!" Iruka screamed, waving his arms in the air as if he was doing the Mexican wave.

"He he heeee!" Genma giggled insanely poking his own cute butt cheeks with his toothpick.

Kakashi was close to passing out and gripped the table ledge in support and Gekkou was staring dazed at the scene before him, drooling a little.

Iruka was swaying and decided to climb up and sit on the table, and sent Gekkou's deck of cards onto the floor, he leant towards Genma looking at what he was giggling at and then asked,

"Oi, oi…Genma-kuuun…whassat long thingy?"

Genma looked at what Iruka was rudely pointing at and then had a go at poking the 'long thingy' with his toothpick,

"hehee…ow, that hurts" Genma mumbled, before turning to poke Iruka's 'long thingy' as well.

"Hey… Genma-kun! Iruka-kun!" Gekkou giggled to himself, "I dares you!"

"Huh?" The other three turned to look at him, Kakashi was hugging Genma for support and Iruka had undone his hair, and said in a drunken slur, "Am I pretty?"

"I dares you to go streakin'…" Gekkou hiccoughed before plonking sideways on to the floor.

"Ooh yay! I can hiccough show my sexy body off!" Iruka said in a girly voice and legged it over Gekkou's giggling body and out the pub door.

"Hey!" Genma yelled, ripping his jacket and top off and tossing it onto Kakashi's bright red smirking face, "Wait for me Iruka-kun!"

And so Iruka and Genma ran through the quiet ninja streets, completely nude, completely drunk and completely insane.

Whilst Kakashi was using Genma's toothpick to pick his earwax out, "ooh a big one!" Kakashi squealed in delight.

Gekkou was still sprawled on the floor drooling, when suddenly he got up to see Kakashi waving his underpants in air, lap dancing on the table and kicking all the contents with a crash onto the floor.

Gekkou was about to join Kakashi on the table, when the annoyed bartender decided that enough was enough and threw them both out along with Genma and Iruka's clothes.

The bartender had taken all their money from them and closed the pub quickly.

Meanwhile, a happy Kurenai was in the arms of Asuma standing on that same old bridge, staring into each other's eyes romantically after a pleasant date.

They were just about to kiss, when the nude Iruka flung himself wildly in front of the shocked Asuma, knocking the pretty dolled up Kurenai into the cold river below. Genma squealed in delight and threw his naked self over the bridge, screaming "Wheeeeeeeeeee!"

Genma was slowly drowning and Iruka was attempting to snog Asuma.

A very angry Kurenai lifted the cold Genma out of the water, trying to avert her eyes from the nudity in her arms, whilst Asuma had Iruka in a headlock and was trying to cover Iruka's loud mouth, since he wouldn't stop screaming, "Asuma baby!"

Soon drunken Kakashi and Gekkou caught up to their drunken comrades. They had their arms around each other's shoulders and they stumbled onto the bridge and towards a freaked out Kurenai.

"Aiiiiiiiiiii!" Kurenai screamed, dropping the wet unconscious Genma with a thud onto the ground.

Asuma, threw the wonky Iruka to the ground just as quickly, and ran to Kurenai's side, he then lifted her shocked damp body up and ran away from the drunken nutters, by flying over the rooftops.

The next morning a tired and irritated Naruto wandered onto the bridge, where Kakashi had asked team seven to meet the day before, Naruto had set off a few hours earlier to get a bit of training done.

Naruto's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as the scene of the snoring ninjas smacked him in the face. Iruka and Genma were still nude and wrapped around each other like a child to a teddy and Gekkou was sprawled across the paving stones like a deceased animal.

Kakashi however, was no where in sight, but that was only because Ayame, the girl from the 'Ichikaru Ramen' place, had took him back to her house and let him snore cutely in front of her, whilst she swooned over his exposed face.

The four ninja's took that day off to recover from their humiliation and hangovers. Iruka was the most embarrassed and didn't leave his bathroom that day, maybe because he couldn't stop throwing up, or maybe because he felt he could never leave his house again. The shame and embarrassment he was experiencing was just overwhelming.

Genma was in hospital with a fever, from having thrown himself into the river and staying out nude all night. His favourite toothpick had returned to his mouth, but the journey of the toothpick into Kakashi's ear hole was innocently unknown by him.

Gekkou was there in the next bed. Gekkou was always in and out of the hospital; he is a poor man plagued with illnesses, which crop up now and then, the drinking had just provoked it and the circles under his eyes were darker than ever.

Now where was Kakashi?

Miraculously he wasn't ill, nor was he embarrassed, but instead he strolled around arm in arm with the dazed girl called Ayame, who had kindly fixed him up some special ramen to cure his hangover. Lucky guy!

And Naruto was at Sakura's house, along with Sasuke, giggling, as they posted pictures of nude and drunken Iruka and Genma on the Internet for all to see.

* * *

It's not that great...but i wrote a sequel anyways...give me a reveiw if you wanna see it! 


	2. Sober Strip Poker

Sober Strip Poker 

Iruka had returned to work awkwardly after the drunken incident a couple of nights before. He had now vowed to himself, that he would never drink alcohol ever again and to be careful when around Kakashi, Genma, or Gekkou, since they were the reason that Iruka had ran butt-naked everywhere late at night and tried to snog Asuma.

Iruka shuddered at the thought and turned to face the class, in which Konohamaru and crew were amongst.

"Ohio students," Iruka said weakly, as he slumped down into the chair in behind his desk.

"Ohio Iruka Sensei," the students chimed.

"Okay students, today I want us to do some henge no jutsu…line up and transform into me please" Iruka mumbled, obviously still not over the shame and embarrassment of the other night.

The students had not quite perfected this technique yet and so many of them produced rather deformed or completely wrong Irukas. Iruka sighed in deep disappointment, when Konohamaru stepped up.

"Hey Sensei!" Konohamaru said loudly, "I can do a really great transformation of you!"

"Let's see it then" Iruka said gloomily.

Iruka's eyes almost popped out of his head, and the students erupted in insane and merciless laughter as Konohamaru transformed into the nude Iruka that he had found on the Internet.

"KONOHAMARU!" Iruka screamed, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"

Konohamaru changed back to normal in a puff of smoke and joined the class in mocking their sensei.

Iruka didn't know what to do, he wanted to hit Konohamaru, throw a dozen kunais at him maybe. But Iruka just wasn't that sort of person, so instead he just left the classroom, left the academy and left the humiliation.

Iruka was walking towards the ramen place, hoping that a hot steaming bowl would make him feel better, when he saw that Kakashi was already there. He frowned, he had wanted to avoid contact with his wild friends, but Iruka really wanted that ramen.

Kakashi smiled as Iruka came to sit next to him in the ramen stall, "How you doin' Iruka-kun?" he asked cheerily.

The pretty girl behind the counter smiled and her eyes were glittery, focused on the handsome mask less Kakashi.

"Fine," Iruka lied, he felt anger burning deep inside him, Kakashi was not affected at all from the wild night and what's more he's got a hot girl staring at him like he's a God.

Kakashi surveyed the depressed Iruka for a moment, watching him slurp away furiously at his large bowl of ramen.

"Um, Iruka-kun…"Kakashi said softly, "Y' know, I know a really good remedy for stress…"

Iruka didn't respond, but carried on greedily engulfing his food, even Ayame the pretty ramen girl had been distracted by Iruka's pig-like eating.

Kakashi put his arm across and patted Iruka gently on the shoulder; Iruka stopped eating and glared at him, noodles dangling from his mouth.

"I would like you to come hang out again this evening, that okay?" Kakashi smiled unfazed by Iruka expression.

"I'm busy," Iruka mumbled and continued eating.

"Too busy for girls?"

Iruka stopped; he was choking on a piece of pork.

Kakashi smacked his friend on the back a couple of times and Ayame quickly handed the red-faced Iruka a glass of water.

Kakashi resumed his playful teasing of Iruka, "A girlfriend is what you need, 'cause y'know I've noticed that you must be kind of lonely, which is probably why you work so hard and hardly socialise…am I right?"

"Suppose," Iruka mumbled.

"So, tonight my mission is to help you find a really nice girlfriend and you'll be happy again!" Kakashi smiled, patting Iruka on the arm and then leaving for who knows where, with the little ramen girl gazing after his gorgeous figure.

Iruka left the ramen shop, thinking about what Kakashi had just said to him and returned to the academy to teach his oh so wonderful class. Iruka however, did not feel depressed like before, but instead felt rather uplifted and looked forward to tonight's girlfriend hunt.

Later that evening at around seven pm, a smiling Kakashi came and collected an excited Iruka from his apartment. Before Iruka had spent a good few hours wondering what to wear. Eventually he had decided that his girlfriend should like him no matter what he looked like, but he'd still taken the time to shower, clip his toenails and brush his teeth.

Kakashi felt sorry for his friend; after all he was practically the only one who was still single. Kakashi had hit it off with the cute ramen girl and had many other secret admirers to spare, Gekkou had that pretty ANBU woman and Genma had the nice Shizune.

Kakashi and Iruka entered a restaurant, Gekkou with Yugao still in ANBU uniform, Genma with his special toothpick and Shizune were already sitting down. They waved heartily as the nervous Iruka and cheery Kakashi made their way over to the table at the back.

"Um…hi," Iruka said forcing a smile, he'd not expected so many people to be there. "Kakashi, how am I gonna find a girlfriend with all these lot here?" Iruka whispered, as a pretty waitress came by to give everyone drinks.

"Don't worry Iruka-kun, I've got everything sorted." Kakashi said, removing his mask to show his smiling face so that he could sip his wine.

A few minutes later, everyone except Iruka was smiling and swapping interesting stories about their latest missions.

"The guy didn't know what to do," Genma laughed, "I'd unarmed him up with just this toothpick."

"Ooh yes, that's my Genma-kun!" Shizune smiled taking Genma's toothpick out of his mouth and then planting him with a long passionate kiss.

Iruka sipped his wine quietly and wished that everyone would hurry up and order their food, so he could eat and just go home. Iruka was wondering whether he could get away by faking feeling sick or something like that, when the Ayame the ramen girl entered the restaurant, followed by Anko.

Iruka spat his champagne out and accidentaly into the face of Kakashi, "Hey!" he said reaching for a cloth.

"Kakashi!" Iruka hissed quietly, so that no one else could hear, "You paired me up with her!"

Iruka had met Anko a few times before, she gave him the impression that she was a rather loud, bossy, cheeky type of woman…the type of woman that Iruka would not have chosen for a girlfriend.

"What's wrong with that?" Kakashi said smiling intensely at the frustrated iruka.

Ayame sat next to Kakashi, greeting him with a big hug and Anko sat next to Iruka who forced a smile.

"So…Iruka" she said warmly, "how have you been?"

"Um…fine…you?" Iruka felt more relaxed to this soft version of Anko.

"Well…I'm great…um…" Anko giggled, "…have you checked the internet recently?"

"No, why?" Iruka questioned curiously, sipping his wine again.

Anko cleared her throat, her hair was down today and was lusciously spread across her shoulders. Anko struggled not to blush and then announced, "There's an um…well a picture of you nude on there…"

Iruka sprayed his wine all over Kakashi's face again,

"Aren't you getting sick of doing that?" Kakashi mumbled as Ayame reached for a cloth and began patting his precious face with it.

Everyone on their table had turned to face Iruka, curious to see what had caused his second spray of wine on Kakashi.

"Nude!" Iruka squealed, "NUDE!"

"Hey, hey, don't worry 'bout it Iruka-kun" Genma smiled, "My naked ass is up there too."

"But, but…but…" Iruka stared at the table and couldn't find any words to say.

"Relax…" Anko said, lifting Iruka's worried face up to look at hers, "…your's was a very sexy butt that was posted there."

And then Anko pulled Iruka's cutely stunned face towards her and she kissed him until everyone sat at the table screamed "Whooo! Get in there Iruka!"

"Ahh…that's soo romantic," Ayame sighed and snuggled closer to the grinning Kakashi.

Iruka stared dazed at the cutely blushing Anko and then mumbled "Arigato", before blacking out and falling forwards onto the table.

Anko reached forwards and patted Iruka on the head, "Aww…how cute…" she whispered as the waiteress came round to collect their orders.

Each couple placed their orders and when it came to Iruka's turn, Anko smiled stroking Iruka's soft hair, "We'll have the lovebird special, thanks."

When Iruka regained conciousness, everyone was chatting amongst themselves and Anko was still stroking Iruka's hair,

"Huh?" he mumbled, not quite sure what had just happened.

Anko beamed at the still dazed Iruka and reached for a spoon, to scoop up their elegantly made 'lovebird special'.

The 'lovebird special' was presented in a large heart shaped plate and was pleasantly filled with dyed pink rice and spicy sauce layered over a grand selection of meat and vegetables.

"Wha?…How come there's only one pl-?" Iruka questioned stupidly, as anko quicky spoonfed Iruka the delicious food.

The meal went on successfully as Kakashi had planned and by the end of that evening, Anko was in the no longer shy, Iruka's lap. However Iruka was looking a little glum now that he realised everyone had eaten and were bringing out money to pay the bill. Kakashi grinned and flicked a rice at Iruka's head, "Hey Iruka-kun…don't worry the night isn't over yet."

The four couples walked arm in arm towards Kakashi's apartment, people walking past in the streets thought perhaps valentines day had come early.

Iruka was in high spirits, higher than he'd probably ever been before and the not so loud, bossy or cheeky Anko was cuddling against his body, yep…Iruka was feeling really happy.

Kakashi welcomed everyone into his home sweet home and let them fill up his living room. Kakashi and Ayame were closely sat together on his black leather sofa and Gekkou and Yugao did the same but on the sofa opposite. The apartment was small yet cosy, but still cramped, so Shizune ended up sitting on Genma who sat lazilyon the floor. And Iruka had perched himself on Kakashi's only cushion, a very cute red one with white hearts all over it and Anko by his side, her head leaning against his shoulder.

"Okay, okay…" Gekkou smiled, producing a familiar deck of gold rimmed cards, "Who's up for strip poker?"

These words whirred around in Iruka's mind for a moment and then he said rather loudly, "Oh no…not again Gekkou…I don't wanna end up running butt naked everywhere again"

Gekkou surpressed a laugh at Iruka's expression then replied, "Don't worry Iruka, there'll be no alcohol this time, so we won't be doin' anything stupid this time okay?"

Iruka relaxed a little at these words, but looked across at Kakashi for reasurance and Kakashi smiled cheerily at him, so Iruka mumbled, "Okay…"

Gekkou dealed the cards and the game began.

At first everyone was doing fine, but then Iruka, for some reason kept on losing. Off came the jacket, off came the sweatshirt and rather embarassed, Iruka pulled his pants off too.

"Damn it!" Iruka thought to himself, "Why is it always me?"

Kakashi grinned as if reading Iruka's mind, "Don't worry Iruka-kun, you've still got your forehead protector to take off, before your cute little undies."

Iruka blushed and decided to place the red cuhion on his lap, hiding his 'cute little undies'.

As the night went on, every one ended up almost naked, and as usual Gekkou was always the one that was winning. Yugao smiled at her boyfriend, who was still clothed in pants, "You're cheating aren't you Gekkou-kun?" she questionned curiously.

Everyone was down to their underwear all except Gekkou, so Yugao decided to even the odds by greatly distracting him in the next round. At first she was just stroking his hair, but then she decided to stroke his chest instead, and Gekkou losing concentration, lost his pants and his bandana in the next couple of rounds.

Iruka, felt very awkward again, he was losing so badly, he'd lost all of his clothes, including the bobble he used to tie up his hair. And was clutching the cushion tightly, desperate not to expose anything.

"Don't worry Iruka baby, your cute little ass is already on the Internet…so you don't have to be so shy…"

Anko was about to kiss Iruka for the seventh time that day when suddenly there was a knock at the door. Everyone froze and Kakashi calmly walked over to the door, in just his tightie whities. And who would be standing there but Naruto with his pesky digital camera, "Say Cheese!" he laughed and took as many pictures as he could, before the room full of people got up and chased after him. Naruto sped through the streets, still taking random pics of the almost nude people behind him.

Iruka had quickly thrown his pants on before following everyone in trying to catch Naruto. But then the laughing little blonde, used kage bunshin no jutsu and all his replications ran wild in all directions, into many different streets.

About ten minutes later they'd given up and gathered outside on a bridge over a peaceful flowing river.

"Damn that Naruto, he's disappeared!" Genma cursed, "but hey, at least I wasn't completely nude this time!"

"Oh shut it Genma," Gekkou said smiling, "You were loving it, posing and flexin' those tidgey muscles of yours".

Iruka stared into the river glumly, he had been nude, if it wasn't for the cushion…but racking his brains he was sure his cushion fell away when he stood up in shock as Naruto showed up brandishing his camera. "Damn it," Iruka thought, "It'd better not end up on the Internet again."


	3. Love Strip Poker

Love Strip Poker 

Iruka was quite tired out from the night before. He'd spent it dining and basically chilling out with his friends and his…new girlfriend. Iruka blushed happily at any mention of her, or even himself thinking of her. And since he was nearly always thinking of her, every second, of every minute, of every hour…Iruka today basically walked around like a cute little blushing idiot.

Iruka still found the prospect of actually having a girlfriend a bit weird…but in a good way, the feeling he got when he actually told someone, "Yep, Anko and Me are an item…" It just sent pleasant shivers up and down his spine. Anko had given him the most amazingly long and sweet kiss yesterday night and Iruka was still feeling it.

"Ohio! Iruka-kun!" Kakashi said cheerily patting Iruka on the back as he made his journey across the bridge again.

"Whoa! Kakashi!" Iruka said, nearly dropping his box of student's homework again.

"So how is the little lovebird this morning?"

Iruka blushed from cute pink to bright red, "Uh…I'm fine…arigato…for um…you know…"

Kakashi smiled with the upside-down 'U' shaped eye and chuckled, "What are friends for, eh?"

Iruka shifted the box in his hands and then decided to drop it onto the floor instead and he gave the surprised Kakashi, an appreciative bear hug, "Oh! Kakashi I love you! Arigato! Arigato!"

"Whoa! Iruka-kun…don't you think you should be saying that to her?"

Iruka turned round and his eyes lit up in the most adorable way ever, like an excited puppy dog.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka whispered, "ANKO-SAMA!"

The couple ran up to each other excitedly and came together in a warm hug.

"Hmm…Iruka-baby…you're so warm…"

Kakashi watched as the lovebirds stared affectionately into each other's eyes and whispered, "I love you…" before Anko kissed Iruka and made him melt like chocolate on a hot day.

Kakashi grinned before taking out his latest edition of 'Icha Icha Paradise' and disappearing via the rooftops.

Kakashi was just a magical man; he always seemed to find a way to make everyone happy.

Anko said, "I love you…" About fifty more times before kissing Iruka gently on the cheek and also disappearing.

"Hmm…" Iruka mumbled softly to himself, "…I wuv you Anko-samaaaa…"

By the time Iruka got to class he was already ten minutes late and a cheeky Konohamaru shouted, "Sensei! Sensei! You were nude on the internet again!"

Normally Iruka would have got pissed off easily at a statement like this, but today he couldn't care less if Konohamaru came up to him and kicked him in the face.

Halfway through his lesson, at which Iruka was getting his students to write a bit about all the different villages, a kunai whizzed through the window and stuck itself to the chalkboard.

"Aiiii! We're under attack!" Konohamaru screamed, diving under his desk, at which his two friends Moegi and Udon also followed.

Iruka was just as shocked at first, as the kunai had disrupted one of his romantic Anko daydreams.

"What the…!" Iruka dodged as another three kunai whizzed past him and embedded themselves into the chalkboard.

Iruka looked up cautiously from behind his desk, the attacks had stopped, and all the students were already under their desks, some crying and some whispering worriedly.

Iruka stood up slowly and realised that each kunai had a pink piece of paper attached to it. He looked at the first note, 'Iruka-baby!' It said. The next ones were 'I Love You!', 'See You Later' and 'Sweet Kisses 4U!'.

He held read over the love notes a few more times, then he inhaled their wondrous Anko perfume smell and held the notes close to his heart.

"Sensei?" Konohamaru yelled from under his desk, "Are we all gonna die!"

Many of the students looked bravely over the tops of their desks, but Iruka wasn't listening, he was just too busy staring out the window and into the sky. Damn Iruka…you're madly in love!

After the classes were over for the day, the majority of students couldn't wait to get home, they'd spent all morning, dealing with a strangely dazed and annoyingly ignorant Iruka. Some girls giggled at the way Iruka had a permanent blush attached to his expression, but Iruka didn't even notice.

As soon as Iruka left the academy Anko rushed excitedly up to him screaming, "Iruka-baby! I've got some great news!"

Iruka caught the giddy woman in his arms and let his box of work carelessly tip onto the floor.

"Oh Iruka-baby! Konoha is going to make a calendar!"

"…" Iruka wondered why Anko was so excited.

"It's been set up by Tsunade and Kakashi to raise money for the academy and I think…"

At this point Anko was overcome with a fit of cute hysteria and she had to nuzzle her face into Iruka's warm chest in an attempt to stop.

"What? Anko-sama?" Iruka asked softly, looking into the deep eyes of Anko.

"…I think…it's a NUDE calendar!"

Anko cuddled Iruka tightly and then mumbled about how there was going to be a vote for the men who are going to be in the calendar.

Iruka raised an eyebrow, a funny expression on his face, "N-Nude?"

"Oh! I'm going to vote for you over and over! You just have to be in the calendar, Iruka-baby!"

Iruka had been a quite uncomfortable that two nude pictures of him had found their way onto the Internet. But if he was nude on a calendar, he wouldn't just be nude on the Internet; he'd also be nude hanging up in people's homes.

Iruka blushed deep crimson, "Anko-sama…I-I don't think it's a good idea…"

"Of course it is! It's for charity! And I get to hang a nude picture of you on my wall! It's wonderful! Oh Iruka-baby!"

Iruka was about to protest again, but Anko was too quick for him and she covered his mouth with her lips.

"Mmm…mmm…" Iruka turned to melted chocolate again and Anko winked naughtily before saying goodbye and disappearing again.

"Aww…man…" Iruka mumbled sadly to himself, "…a nude calendar…that's miles worse than strip poker…"

Iruka spent a few hours trying to mark homework in his quaint little apartment, but he just couldn't concentrate. He was about to give up for the night and just watch TV instead, when there was a knock on his door.

"Iruka-kun…" A happy voice said from the other side of the door.

Iruka opened the door and welcomed Kakashi in. They both sat in the living room, in the dusty blue armchairs and Kakashi's face had frozen with that cute upside down 'U' shaped eye expression.

"So…" Kakashi started, "…you heard about the calendar?"

Iruka frowned at these words and mumbled, "Yeah, but I really don't wanna be in it!"

Kakashi took off his mask and Iruka could see how extremely excited Kakashi was, "…but Iruka-kun! It'll be so cool! It's like being a model or something! You have to be in it!"

Iruka observed Kakashi intently before sighing and mumbling, "…I don't wanna be nude…I look weird when I'm nude…"

"What! Iruka-kun! Gai's WAY weirder than you and he still wants to be in it!"

Iruka stared at his feet for a moment, "…but…I don't wanna show my…um…bits…"

Kakashi broke out in quiet laughter, "Iruuuuka! You don't have to worry 'bout that! You're bits will be covered up in the photo shoot!"

Iruka blushed, feeling very idiotic, "Oh…that's okay then…I guess..."

"Okay then!" Kakashi said bouncing out of the armchair, "I'll go add your name to the voting list then!"

And before Iruka could protest or say no, Kakashi hopped out the window and vanished.

The next day as Iruka was on his way to the academy, he noticed that a huge board was placed outside the Hokage's place. A lot of male ninja's names were on it, including Iruka's and it was presented like a table, with a number against each name.

"Aww…man…" Iruka mumbled as he went to take a closer look.

It was the voting scores for the men's nude calendar and along the bottom it said, 'Men's Nude Calendar Voting Scores, will be updated daily. Votes can be submitted on a piece of paper, addressed to the Hokage Tsunade, voting ends on Friday'.

Today was Friday, so that meant people had exactly a week to cast their votes. Iruka looked at how many voted he had so far, "Hmm…four…that's not so bad…" His eyes wandered over to Kakashi's name, "…fifty-two!…No way!"

"Impressive isn't it?" A voice said from Iruka's astonished side.

Iruka turned sadly towards the speaker who was a very annoyed looking Gai sensei.

"Kakashi…my rival…is winning me by fifty-one votes! Damn it!"

Iruka looked sympathetically at the watery-eyed Gai, "…Don't worry…there's still a week to go…"

Gai sensei struck his sparkly-toothed 'nice guy' pose and then vanished. Iruka sighed heavily and made his way over to the academy. All his students were excitedly talking about the nude calendar competition, and Iruka couldn't really shut them up for long enough to teach them anything today.

As Iruka dismissed the class for the day, Konohamaru and crew walked cheerily up to Iruka's desk and shouted happily, "Iruka sensei! My Mum says she'll vote for you!"

"Mine 'sniffle' too…" Udon mumbled.

"Yep! And mine!" Moegi giggled.

Iruka awkwardly thanked them and left the academy, meeting a very joyous Anko on the way.

"Ooh! Iruka-baby! I've sent fifty votes to Tsunade! You'll be in the calendar for sure!"

Iruka blushed immensely, "Um…arigato…but you really don't have to…"

Anko squeezed Iruka in a very tight hug, (Iruka was turning a pretty shade of blue), "Oh Iruka-baby! Of course I have to! Or else I'm not worthy of taking the title of girlfriend!"

Iruka smiled and mumbled "arigato" again, before asking Anko sheepishly, "…Do you want to go out tonight?"

Anko squealed and jumped up and down, making her cleavage jiggle hypnotically in front of Iruka's tomato-red face.

"I'd love to! How about we go over to your place! I'll get everyone round again to play strip poker…and when you lose…" Anko had the most devilish grin on her face, "…when you lose, you can practise some poses for the calendar!"

Iruka stopped staring at Anko's jiggly bits and settled his gaze on her face instead, he'd wanted to have a date…alone…without his noisy friends and their strip poker, but if Anko wanted that, then Iruka would let her have it her way.

"Yeah, okay Anko-sama." Iruka said quietly, as Anko reached up to kiss him.

Later that night at around 7pm, Anko, Kakashi and Ayame, Genma and Shizune, and Gekkou and Yugao filled Iruka's very small living room. Gekkou brought out his usual gold-rimmed deck of cards and the game begun.

7.30…Iruka had lost his entire top half of clothes Kakashi had lost his jacket, Genma lost his bandana and Shizune her blouse.

8pm…Iruka only had his boxer shorts and head protector left, Kakashi had only his boxer shorts left, Genma had only his bottom half, Ayame and Anko were just their undergarments, Yugao however was only in her knickers and was using the giddy Gekkou to hide herself from the others.

8.30pm…everyone has been stripped down to their birthday suits except Gekkou, who still has his bottom half completely clothed. Yugao, thought this was unfair, so she dived on Gekkou, and decide to playfully take his clothes by force.

Iruka was hugging a cushion as usual, he just had to…especially since a very hot nude Anko was sitting next to him. He was feeling relatively warm and sweaty…even though the temperature of the room was quite cool…hmm I wonder why?

"Hmm…don't you just love strip poker?" Anko whispered softly into Iruka's ear. Iruka clutched the cushion even tighter and Anko playfully bit his ear.

"Mmm…yeah… love it…" Iruka mumbled dreamily as his cheeks rapidly flushed.

The girls put their clothes back on and sat giddily together, ready to playfully judge as the guy's practised poses. Genma put one had on his hip and he flexed an arm, with a mischievous grin on his face.

"Ooh! Ten points!" Shizune screamed immediately.

"Hmm…I give seven…" Anko said, trying to keep a straight face.

"Yep me too…" giggled Ayame.

"Hey! C'mon ladies!" Genma whined, putting on his cutest face ever.

"Fine…how 'bout…eight points then?" Yugao said as a slightly disappointed Genma went and put his clothes back on.

Gekkou stood up, "Eh…hem…'cough'…how's this?"

The women watched quietly as Gekkou took out his deck of cards, flicked them from hand to hand and spread them into a neat fan shape, before holding them over his groin.

"Ooh…Very cute pose!" Yugao shouted, blowing kisses to him, Ten! Ten! Ten!"

"At least it's cooler than Genma's…Eight!" Anko laughed.

"Seven" Ayame mumbled, excited for Kakashi's turn.

"Hmm…Eight…" said Shizune, watching Genma twitching his toothpick pretending not to care.

"Okay…My turn…" Kakashi said cheerily, standing up.

"Wow!" Ayame screamed, her eyes turning into heart shapes.

Kakashi walked over to the stunned Ayame and kissed her long and hard.

"Ten!" all the girls screamed.

"Aww…why?" Genma protested.

"'Cause you didn't come over and kiss me!" Shizune mocked him playfully.

"Fine I'll do it now!" Genma said practically leaping onto the giggling Shizune.

As Shizune and Genma stared naughtily into each other's eyes, Iruka gave a sigh of relief, maybe they'd just forget about his turn. Iruka was about to start putting on his clothes again when Kakashi tapped him on the shoulder, "Iruka-kun…it's your turn…"

'Damn it!' Iruka thought to himself.

Iruka stood up nervously in front of everyone, the cushion still tightly gripped tightly, covering his lower region.

"C'mon Iruka! Show us what you got!" Anko yelled heartily.

Iruka placed a shaky hand behind his head, but kept the other hand firmly on the cushion.

"Aww…very cute!" The girls giggled excitedly, "He's striking the 'shy guy' pose!"

"Ten!" They all said happily as Iruka quickly went to put his clothes back on.

It was way past ten and since everyone had to be up early for work the next day, they decided it was time to leave.

"Bye Iruka-kun!" Genma, Shizune, Gekkou and Yugao said merrily upon exiting.

Kakashi winked and left arm in arm with Ayame.

Anko how ever, was still sat in an armchair.

"Um…Anko-sama…aren't you going?" Iruka asked quietly, his arm leaning against the door.

"Ooh…Iruka-baby…" Anko whispered from deep within her throat, "I feel like celebrating…"

"Celebrating what?" Iruka asked softly, closing the door and perching on the arm of the armchair.

"Celebrating us!" Anko suddenly squealed pulling Iruka down for a passionate kiss.

"Mmm…mmm…"Iruka mumbled, as her hot lips touched his.

Under Anko's instructions, Iruka fetched a bottle of wine from the kitchen, it was quite old and Iruka had been saving it for a special occasion, which never actually came, except till maybe now. Iruka poured Anko and himself a very large very full glass of the beautiful red liquid and they drank it giddily. They 'celebrated' until the whole wine bottle was empty.

"Iruka-baby!" Anko squealed, "I want to go look at the stars!"

"Of course Anko-sama!" Iruka replied feeling slightly drunk, damn that wine was strong!

Iruka and Anko left the apartment, arm in arm and ended up on the bridge. The sky was clear and dotted with beautiful glittering stars and the couple stood transfixed for a moment watching them.

"Anko-sama…I love you…" Iruka mumbled, holding Anko tightly.

"Iruka-baby…I love you too…" Anko said breathlessly, then she added cheekily, "Wanna go skinny dipping?"

"Hmm…yah…that's sounds fun…"

And so the two stripped off on the bridge and leapt into the gentle river holding each other's hands.

They floated about and kissed, they swam about and kissed, romance was just oozing out of their pores that night.

The next morning, Anko was lying in Iruka's very comfy bed and Iruka was sprawled cutely across the floor, drooling slightly. Anko awoke first, carefully putting a pillow under his head and the covers over his naked body. Anko stared at Iruka for a moment recording this sweet image into her mind, and then she kissed Iruka gently on the lips and left for work. Iruka snuggled up at Anko's touch and carried on dreaming, a blissful grin on his face.


	4. Strip Without Poker

Strip Without Poker 

"Hmm…" Iruka sat up rubbing the sand out of his eyes. Iruka stretched and looked around, a bit confused at first, why was he on the floor? He stood up and saw that someone had slept in his bed. Last nights events came flooding back to Iruka and he left for work feeling happily dazed.

"Iruka-sensei!" Konohamaru whined, as Iruka entered the classroom, "You're late again! We've all been here for like twenty minutes!"

Iruka sat down in his chair and mumbled "Gomen…I um…woke up late."

Konohamaru stared at Iruka and a wide grin spread a cross his face, "Iruka-sensei! There's another photo of you on the Internet!"

Iruka leaned forward across his desk, "Really…what of?"

"Of you and that loud woman…naked in the river!" Konohamaru and the class exploded in laughter and Iruka just sat there, remembering the fun he'd had the night before.

Konohamaru stopped laughing, "Eh? How come you're not angry sensei? You'd normally yell at me about now."

Iruka smiled and said, "Everyone…turn to page twelve and learn the body's chakra system…"

Konohamaru did manage to freak Iruka out at least once that day though. Iruka was walking around class checking everyone's diagrams, but when he came to Konohamaru's he saw that two bodies had been crudely drawn, not showing the chakra system…but instead drawn a woman and man's private parts.

"KONOHAMARU! THAT ISN'T THE CHAKRA SYSTEM!" Iruka yelled, snatching the paper up and observing it more closely. The man was labelled 'Iruka Sensei' and the woman was labelled 'Sensei's girl'.

Konohamaru and crew exploded in a fit of giggles and Iruka's face went redder than a traffic light.

After the day had finished, with Iruka giving Konohamaru a ton of homework as punishment and the class laughing like a pack of psycho hyenas. Iruka stopped by the nude calendar voting board curiously. He now had sixty-five votes, but Kakashi was still hugely in the lead with a whopping a hundred and two votes. He checked Gai sensei's score…ouch…still only one vote.

"Damn it!" Gai mumbled appearing by Iruka's side, "I must beat my rival!"

"Um…don't worry…there's still six days left…" Iruka said as Gai forced a smile and patted Iruka on the back.

"Don't worry Iruka! I WILL be in that calendar…no matter what!"

Iruka smiled faintly as Gai struck that pose again and disappeared.

Iruka was on the way home, when Anko jumped him.

"Iruka-baby!" She squealed, hugging him AND his box of work, "Our picture is on the internet! One of us in the river together!"

Iruka shifted the box out of the way and smiled, "Yeah…Konohamaru told me…"

"Ooh! I've put it as a screensaver on my laptop, that way I'll never forget that night!"

"Probably Naruto's doing…" Iruka scratched his head, "I'll have to try get Kakashi to confiscate his camera…after all…it is a little embarrassing…"

"Pooh Iruka-baby! Nothing's embarrassing about sharing your beautiful body with the world…why it'd be even greater if we ninjas could wander around normally with no clothes, just the way God made us!"

Iruka sweat dropped, at Anko's enthusiasm for nudity, but then again he wouldn't have minded if Anko walked around nude all the time…she was after all beautiful.

"Ooh! Iruka-baby! I can't wait till Friday! When Tsunade decides who goes in the calendar!" Anko squealed jumping up and down.

Iruka was turning very pink in the face and drooling a little, because of his thoughts of naked Anko and what he was seeing at that moment in time, bouncing in front of him.

Anko hugged Iruka tightly again, Iruka's box of work fell to the ground and turned sideways, tipping the contents out.

"Ooh…Iruka, what's this?" Anko asked curiously, waving Konohamaru's diagram in the air.

"Um…" Iruka blushed and tried to get it back.

"Sensei's girl?" Anko's eyes narrowed, "That little brat! My tits are WAY bigger than that!"

Iruka blushed and took the paper off her, before gathering the other bits of paper that had scattered themselves all over the floor.

Anko walked Iruka home, still mumbling about Konohamaru's diagram, whilst Iruka sweat dropped a lot, since other people could hear her every word. She kissed sweetly him before vanishing off for a mission or something and Iruka melted in her arms. He just wasn't in the mood for boring marking today, so he decided to go and meet Kakashi. Kakashi was sitting at the ramen stall again, man their ramen was just too tasty to resist!

"Iruka-kun! You're not doin' so bad with the votes are you?" Kakashi grinned, slurping his noodles, whilst Ayame leant over the counter and stroked his hair.

"Ah…Kakashi your doing miles better than me, you're definitely gonna be in it." Iruka replied, swirling the noodles around in the bowl.

Kakashi smiled, "Don't worry Iruka…eleven people will be in the calendar and only fifty people's names were entered…so-"

"Fifty!"

"Yeah…"

"That's great! That means I might actually lose!" Iruka yelled happily, swallowing all his noodles.

Kakashi, patted Iruka on the shoulder, "C'mon Iruka…We all know your gonna be in it, some people haven't any votes yet and with the amount of votes you've got…it puts you in second place."

Iruka left Kakashi, not sure whether to feel happy or sad, "Stupid calendar…I'm not good with this kinda stuff…"

Iruka was on the way home when someone hit him hard in the groin, "YAAAOWEEE!" Iruka screamed.

"Don't say such silly things Iruka-kun…" A muffled voice said from behind.

Iruka was crouched over, rubbing the painful area, but when he turned to yell at the person who'd attacked his sensitive bits, they had vanished.

"What the freakin' hell?" Iruka mumbled looking around, but no one was there.

"You alright?" Kakashi asked, running over to the hunched up Iruka.

"Yeah…did you see who did that…it really hurt!" Iruka mumbled standing up.

"Sorry, no…I only saw you looking…well kinda in pain…" Kakashi grinned, "Why would someone hit you there?"

"How the heck should I know? There are a lot of violent freaks out there I guess."

Kakashi patted Iruka on the shoulder, "You wanna come out for a drink tonight?"

Iruka bit his lip, deep in thought for a moment and then he happily replied, "Yeah okay."

All through the day after that strange incident, Iruka felt as though he was being watched.

Iruka was constantly looking behind or above, to make sure that no ninjas were following him to assassinate him or something like that, but there was always no one there.

Later that night Iruka and Kakashi sat happily at the bar, joined by Gai and Asuma.

"Yosh! Cheers to the wonderful women who are happily voting for us!" Gai said raising his beer jug into the air.

"Gai's got a few more votes coming, his team's mums are all gonna vote for him." Asuma chuckled, clinking his glass.

Kakashi grinned and clinked his glass also, "As you always say Gai…that's my rival!"

Iruka smiled and clinked his glass too, he'd been feeling uneasy all day, but now that he was with some friends, he was feeling a lot more comfortable.

The guys spent all night, drinking and chatting, singing and dancing.

"I feel like a beautiful butterfly," Gai mumbled waving his arms about.

"Too bad you don't look like one though!" Asuma laughed, drinking some more beer.

"Hmm…I'm feeling really hot…" Kakashi mumbled, taking his jacket and top off.

"Whoo! Life is gooooood!" Iruka giggled, swaying slightly.

Orochimaru entered the bar and sat down next to Iruka, "Having a nice guy's night out I see…" he said with that slightly eerie voice of his, "…I'm in that calendar competition too you know…haven't got any votes yet though…"

Iruka stared at the man before him, his drunken happiness draining away from him, Orochimaru was like fifty years old or something and Iruka doubted anyone wanted to see him naked.

"Kabuto has entered too and he's already got twenty-five votes…perhaps I should just pull out of the competition?"

Iruka smiled weakly, "Don't worry…you still got a few days of voting time…"

A severely drunken Gai patted Iruka on the back, "Yep…that's what you're always telling me!"

Orochimaru smiled, Iruka backed away from him a little, Orochimaru's mouth was just so unnaturally HUGE, it was freaky.

"Ah…Iruka-kun…" He said slowly, that freakish snake tongue flicking in and out of his mouth, "If only we all had bodies like you eh?"

Iruka spat his drink out, spraying it all over the counter, "Y-you wish you had my b-body?"

Iruka could feel cold sweat on his forehead, he had knowledge of Orochimaru's old plans, the ones where he went round stealing other people's bodies.

Orochimaru laughed enthusiastically at Iruka's shocked expression, as if reading his mind. "Ah…don't worry Iruka-kun…I only meant that your body is nice…it's a friendly compliment.

Iruka blushed and decided it was about time he went home, besides…Orochimaru was creeping him out. So Iruka said his goodbyes and left the other guys happily getting more and more drunk. He wondered where Anko was and what she was doing, he knew some of her missions were very dangerous and he couldn't help but worry a little.

Iruka looked up into the sky, "Hey Anko-sama…" he grinned and whispered, "I'm thinking about you…I wondering you're doing the same…"

When Iruka got home, he realised his apartment had been broken into, but nothing was missing except strangely his toothbrush, pillow and some of his favourite tighty whitie undies. It was quite hot that night, so Iruka had gone to bed naked. "Hmm…maybe a tramp broke in…" Iruka thought to himself, as he fell asleep. Iruka was pleasantly dreaming about Anko marrying him, but then their marriage turned into a game of strip poker and everyone was running around naked on the bridge.

Iruka woke up thinking that this was one of funniest dreams he'd ever had and he got up to get himself a glass of water. The water was pleasantly cold and greatly refreshing. Iruka looked at the clock, 4am…much to early for him to completely get up, so he decided to go back to bed again. Just as he was closing his eyes in bed, his ninja senses told him that someone was watching him. Iruka pretended to be asleep for a few seconds and then he suddenly shot bolt upright, his eyes scanning the room.

A small figure was at the window. Iruka ran over to the window and yanked it open, but no one was there.

"Damn it…they must have got away…" Iruka mumbled to himself.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that…" A muffled voice said from behind the startled Iruka.

Iruka spun round and was faced with a hooded figure.

"Who-who the hell are you?"

The figure's hands slowly reached up to pull down the hood, Iruka gasped and backed up against the wall.

The figure cackled, "Hmm…Iruka-kun…looks like I've got you naked in front of me and we didn't even have to play strip poker…"

"N-no…" Iruka mumbled fearfully, and remembering his nudity covered his bits with his hands, as the figure advanced, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"


	5. Forget Poker! Stalker Strips

**Forget Poker! Stalker Strips!**

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Iruka screamed, his hands cupped around his privates as he backed up against the wall.

"Look…Iruka-kun…I'm not gonna hurt you…don't be like that."

Iruka slid his back down the wall and stared at the freakish man in front of him, "No, you look, Orochimaru you…"

Iruka shrieked as Orochimaru lunged forwards and crouched down so that their faces were inches away from each other.

"Ew…FREAK!" Iruka screamed, turning his head sideways, "Get out of my house!"

Orochimaru grinned, "You are so cute Iruka-kun!"

Iruka eyes turned to watch as Orochimaru broke into girlish giggles, "You're WAY cuter than stupid Kabuto!"

Iruka sweat dropped big time, "…Um…did you break up with him or something?"

Orochimaru stopped laughing, "No…he broke up with me, but who gives a shit eh? Especially when much tastier fish are in the sea…"

Iruka's eyes grew wide in fear as Orochimaru's huge wet tongue slithered out and made its way towards him.

"Want to French kiss…Iruka-kun?" He said creepily.

"EW! GETTAWAY!" Iruka screamed, pushing the snake man away and running past him into the living room.

"Iruka-kuuuuun!" Orochimaru whined, "Come on! I've been watching you all this time…your always kissing that Anko woman…kiss me!"

Iruka had grabbed his dressing gown on the way out and he had put it on quickly, before turning to face Orochimaru.

"You! I-It was YOU!" Iruka hissed angrily, "YOU were following me around all day!"

"Yeah…" Orochimaru admitted happily, approaching Iruka slowly, "It was fun!"

"Was it you who hit me as well? Near the ramen place!"

Orochimaru grinned, a very lewd expression on his face, "Iruka-kun…I didn't hit you…I just gave your thingy a quick little hug that's all…"

"YOU FREAKIN' PERVERT!" Iruka screamed, throwing the armchair cushions furiously at him, "EW! You are such a BLOODY FREAK OF NATURE!"

Orochimaru knocked all the cushions out of the way, "Iruka-kun…please…don't call me names…"

Iruka glanced at the door, maybe he could make a run for it? There wasn't much point in fighting, Iruka was only a chuunin, but Orochimaru…he was one of the legendary sannin!

"Iruka-kun…" Orochimaru whispered, he was supposedly trying to be seductive, with his tongue flicking around madly.

"Ew!" Iruka screamed again, making a run for the front door.

BA-DUMPF!

Iruka felt something wet and slimy grab his ankle and he fell forwards, his chin painfully slamming against the floor.

"Iruka-kun, here I come!" Orochimaru said excitedly.

"W-What the?" Iruka mumbled as he turned around to see Orochimaru, stripping off.

"Oh SHIT!" Iruka yelled, crawling away, but Orochimaru's tongue was still wrapped tightly around his leg and it was actually slowly edging its way UP his leg.

Iruka shivered violently, as he struggled to get away from Orochimaru, who was just cackling madly.

"IRUKA-BABY!" An angel from heaven screamed, from somewhere in the room.

"Anko?" Iruka said, turning around, "Oh Thank God! Anko!"

"Orochimaru you bastard! Get your tongue off MY MAN!" Anko yelled, running over to the sweat drenched Iruka.

"Huh!" Orochimaru mumbled, letting his tongue slide slowly back into his mouth and picking his cape up off the floor, "Stupid woman…you've ruined this night…but next time…"

Orochimaru looked into Iruka's eyes and winked, making him get unpleasant shivers up and down his back, "…next time…we'll have lots of fun, eh Iruka-kun?"

As Orochimaru turned and disappeared out of the window, Iruka smacked his head against the floor, exhausted and utterly freaked out.

"Iruka-baby? I came by after my mission to check on you, but…" Anko asked worriedly, wiping the sweaty strands of hair out of his face, "…are you alright?"

Iruka sat up slowly, "Anko-sama…thank you SO much…if you didn't turn up then…"

Anko hugged her shaking boyfriend and rocked him gently as if he was a little kid who'd just had a bad dream.

"Don't worry Iruka-baby…I won't let that freak anywhere near you, don't worry…"

Iruka let Anko guide him back to his bed and tuck him in.

"I love you Iruka-baby…" Anko said softly stroking his hair as she sat at the edge of the bed, "…sweet dreams…"

Iruka mumbled, "I love you too Anko-sama…" his eyelids were feeling extremely heavy and Anko's face went blurry.

Anko kept on stroking Iruka's hair until he fell asleep, then she suddenly winced in pain at a wound in her side and she slumped slowly to the floor and fell unconscious.

"Ugh…" Iruka mumbled, waking up and rubbing his sore head.

As he steeped out of bed, he felt something warm and soft underfoot, "W-what…"

"Iruka-baby…please get your foot out of my tits!" Anko gasped from the floor.

"Anko-sama!" Iruka said, quickly lifted Anko into a sitting position, "Have you slept on the floor all night?"

Anko grinned, "I couldn't sleep, you were snoring…but in a really cute way…"

Now that Iruka was awake and alert, he immediately noticed the wound in her left side, "Anko-sama! You're hurt?…was it from your mission?"

Anko winced as Iruka lifted her up and into his bed.

"I'm fine…really!" Anko mumbled cheerily as Iruka carefully took her top off, "You're gonna be late for work if you don't hurry up!"

Iruka frowned, "Anko-sama…this could get infected if you leave it like that…"

Anko scratched her head and giggled, "Really Iruka-baby…I'm fine…I'll do it myself…"

Anko's eyes widened and then closed, as Iruka pressed his tender lips against hers, all the other times Anko had been the one to kiss him, but now it was the other way round, Anko was enjoying it a lot more.

"Mmm…mmm…" Anko murmured as Iruka pulled away.

Iruka grinned, a really cute childish grin and went of to find his first aid kit. He quickly phoned the academy and told the person on the phone that he couldn't make it to work today and that they'd have to find a substitute for his class. Returning to tend to Anko's wound, Anko watched him, her heart filling up with much joy, as Iruka very carefully, cleaned and bandaged the injury.

"Iruka-sama…I know I've told you so many times already…but I love you…" Anko said breathlessly, hugging Iruka quickly, making the roll of bandages fall to the floor unravelling in a similar way that loo rolls do.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka whispered, embracing her warmly, "I love you…and I love it every time you say those words…"

a beautifully passionate kiss, then took place, with the couples hands sliding up and down everywhere.

"Damn it!" A voice known as Orochimaru's quietly hissed from outside the window, "If only I could get him to do that to me!"

Orochimaru disappeared feeling severely pissed, probably off to drown himself in sake, or to plot some sneaky ways win Iruka over, but anyways Anko and Iruka were smooching the hell out of each other for quite a long time.

Then Anko broke away and said breathlessly, "Iruka…why'd you call in to say that you couldn't go to work today?"

Iruka nuzzled his face into her sweet perfume smelling hair, "…'cause I'm spending the day with you silly."

Iruka and Anko showered together, giggling cutely as they tickled each other, they ate breakfast together, Iruka made pancakes. Anko took one bite and the delicious sweetness of the pancake and it electrified her taste buds.

"Oh Iruka! This is delicious!" she squealed and began devouring the plate hungrily.

Iruka smiled and ate his, he'd especially made an effort for the one he loved, normally he would've lazily poured himself some cereal and that would be what he ate day after day.

Iruka and Anko went to the local fair and had fun eating fresh squid balls and playing quaint stall games.

"Ooh! I want that dolphin teddy!" Anko squealed as Iruka focused at the stack of bottles and then he wound his arm up and threw the ball he was hold with immense strength.

"Ompf!" The man behind the countered said, as the ball hit him painfully in the stomach.

"Oops…sorry…" Iruka mumbled, going red and picking another ball up.

Anko giggled and hugged Iruka excitedly as the ball knocked down all the bottles this time. The man handed Anko a really cute little dolphin teddy and Anko stared at it happily.

"Every time I look at this dolphin…I'll think of you…and I'll call him Lil Iruka!" Anko squealed, hugging the teddy into her chest. Iruka blushed and rubbed the back of his head as Anko kissed the stuffed animal and then grabbed Iruka's hand.

"Ooh!" Anko squealed excitedly, "I wanna win something for you!" Anko paid the man behind the stall and grabbed a ball, a very determined look on her face.

"Go ball!" She screamed as she threw it in an over arm swing, with a scary amount of strength.

"Aiiiiiiii!" The man behind the counter yelled as the ball collided with his lower area.

"Oops…" Anko mumbled, grabbing another ball, "…guess I didn't aim quite right…"

"OW!" Orochimaru said from beside Iruka, Anko had realised that he'd slithered up to her boyfriend and she'd purposely directed this ball towards his groin.

Orochimaru bent over, "Y-You violent little-"

"Shut up snake freak and go away!" Anko yelled at his and quickly pulled Iruka away.

"Ew…" Iruka mumbled worriedly, "Why's he coming after me?"

"…I dunno…maybe it's 'cause you're so damn sexy…" Anko joked, clutching Lil Iruka in one hand and Iruka's arm in the other.

Iruka blushed and turned around, Orochimaru was staring at them, his eyes narrowed and his expression far from friendly.

"Maybe…" Iruka thought for a moment, "…maybe he's just trying to get back at Kabuto?"

"Kabuto?" Anko stopped outside another stall, "Did they break up?"

"Yeah…Orochimaru told me he didn't care…but y'know…he could be doin' this all to get at Kabuto or something…" Iruka mumbled paying the woman behind the stall.

Anko took a ball and aimed it at a coconut, pretending it was Orochimaru's nuts instead.

"It's strange…but it does make sense…" Anko threw the ball dead accurately at the coconut, "…maybe we should try and get them back together? After all…they were an item for a very long time…"

Iruka scratched his head, "…you really think we should help him?"

Anko smiled, "…pick a teddy Iruka…"

"Um…how about that little purple bear…the fur's kinda like your hair…" Iruka gentle took the little teddy, "I'll call her Mini Anko, eh?"

Iruka stared at the teddy for a moment, but then he realised Anko hadn't answered his question, "…Um…Anko-sama…you seriously think helping Orochimaru is a good idea?"

Anko smiled and whispered into Iruka's ear, "…well unless you want Orochimaru chasing after you like a blood hound…then I think it's a great idea!"

Iruka stood stiffly, "Yeah…let's go find Kabuto."

Anko leaned against Iruka's warm side, as he scanned the area for any sign of Kabuto…or Orochimaru, he still felt like he was being watched by him somewhere. Iruka and Anko wandered around Konoha looking for Kabuto, but he just wasn't around.

"Maybe we should give up for today, eh?" Iruka mumbled sadly.

"No way!" Anko replied, dragging Iruka through the streets.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka protested, as it felt like Anko was tearing his arm off, "…I-"

"Kabuto!" Anko said triumphantly, pointing at the spectacled ninja, who was just wandering out of the flower shop.

Kabuto had a dazed look on his face and the flowers he'd purchased looked very expensive.

Anko gasped, "He split up with Orochimaru, 'cause he's found someone else!"

"Who?" Iruka asked curiously, as Anko dragged him behind a wall, so that Kabuto wouldn't know they were following him.

"That's what we've got to find out…looks like he's going on a date, so if we follow him, we'll find his new woman…or man…"

Iruka sighed heavily as Anko dragged him behind walls and into alleyways in pursuit of Kabuto. Kabuto was humming cheerily as he walked, he stopped by a sweet shop to buy a huge box of candy and he also stopped by the bookstore to pick up some very naughty looking magazines.

"Ew…what kind of date involves such disgusting magazines!" Iruka asked from behind a determined Anko.

"A very perverted date…that's what." Anko mumbled, dashing quickly after Kabuto as he headed towards the Hokage's place.

* * *

Hi thanks for the reviews and stuff! Keep em coming!

Poor Iruka, eh? Damn I can be so cruel

heheheheheheh...cough...sorry bout that.

Anyways More Reviews! Bye!


	6. Poker Choker

Poker Choker 

"Why's Kabuto going to the Hokage's place?" Iruka asked confused, "He can't be in love with Tsunade, can he?"

"I dunno…anything's possible these days…" Anko replied, putting her Lil Iruka teddy safely in her pocket.

Iruka put his Mini Anko teddy away and kept close to Anko. Being near Anko was nice anyway; he could smell her faint sweet perfume and feel the heat radiating from her body.

Anko and Iruka ran into the Hokage's place after the cheerful Kabuto and hid carefully as walked he through the corridors and then stopped outside a door. Kabuto stroked his hair nervously and then knocked a gently.

A muffled voice said, "Just a minute…" and Iruka and Anko's heart pounded faster and faster as they waited for someone to emerge and greet Kabuto.

"No way…" Iruka mumbled as his eyes widened in shock.

"Another guy!" Anko muttered, "Kabuto's definitely gay!"

Kabuto embraced the young man who'd opened the door and then they started snogging each other passionately.

"I-I can't believe it…" Iruka said in disbelief, "I never would have thought…Izumo just seemed like such a sensible…and straight guy…"

"Looks can be deceiving Iruka-baby…" Anko sighed and turned away from the two snogging guys, "…what a waste!"

"You're darn right!" Orochimaru said quietly, whilst hugging the shocked Iruka tightly.

"Anko-sama…help!" Iruka mumbled as he wriggled free from Orochimaru's loving grasp.

"Orochimaru!" Anko hissed, pulling Iruka to her side, "What are you doing here!"

"Well duh! I followed you…" Orochimaru replied, rolling his eyes and flicking his hair in a girlishly bored fashion.

"Orochimaru…If you still like Kabuto, why don't you just go and make up with him?" Anko asked impatiently.

"Hn! Why would I do that? Kabuto was the one who broke up with me, so he has to be the one to come crawling back to me, not the other way around."

Anko and Iruka sighed and turned back to check on Kabuto, who was still sliding his mouth all over Izumo's blushing face.

"Ew…" Iruka moaned, looking away quickly.

"Damn it…" Anko whispered, "They're in love…that means it'll be hard getting him back with the snake freak.

"Excuse me…I'm still here." Orochimaru mumbled, stroking Iruka's hair.

"Ew get off!" Iruka screamed as Anko helpfully grabbed Orochimaru and flung him into the direction on Kabuto and Izumo.

"Wha-?" Izumo grumbled, as a very heavy Orochimaru slammed into him.

"Izumo-sama!" Kabuto said, grabbing Orochimaru by the neck and pulling him up, "Orochimaru…I told you, we are over!"

Anko and Iruka watched from behind the wall and they actually felt a little sorry for Orochimaru, as tears were welling up in his snake eyes.

"I-I…Kabuto-kun!" Orochimaru wailed, as Kabuto left him grabbing the dazed Izumo's hand and disappearing in the room in front of them.

"Kabuto-kun!" Orochimaru screeched like a banshee and started pounding on the locked door.

"Hey…what are you doing here?" Kotetsu said from behind Iruka and Anko, giving them a heart attack.

"Oh…um…"

"Spying on them eh?" Kotetsu grinned cheekily, as Iruka and Anko straightened themselves out.

"Look Kotetsu…" Anko said sadly, "Will you help us get Kabuto and Orochimaru back together…if we don't, Orochimaru won't stop hounding Iruka-baby…"

Kotetsu rubbed his chin thoughtfully, "Hmm…Iruka-baby and Orochimaru…that's a cute coupling."

"Why you!" Anko said angrily kicking Kotetsu somewhere extra painful.

"OW!" Kotetsu screamed and slouched to the floor grabbed his injured area, "You psycho woman! I was only joking!"

"Yes…she tends to like aiming for those parts…" Orochimaru mumbled, now that he had returned to Iruka's side and was leaning his head on his shoulder.

"Orochimaru! GET OFF MY IRUKA-BABY!" Anko screamed, grabbing Iruka's arm and pulling him towards herself.

"No! My Iruka-baby!" Orochimaru moaned like a child and grabbed Iruka's other arm.

Kotetsu stood up, feeling rather amused, "Hn. You guys are so stupid."

"You've got to help us!" Iruka whined as the two people yanked on his arms, "Please Kotetsu!"

"Why should I?" Kotetsu asked cocking his head cutely to one side, "Izumo is my friend…and if he's happy with Kabuto, then why should I break him up?"

Anko let go of Iruka, making him fly onto Orochimaru. She walked really close to Kotetsu, who sweat dropped and backed up against the wall. Anko was burning with pure feminine anger, "Kotetsu…" she said through gritted teeth.

"Um…" Kotetsu's eye's widened as the furious woman brought her face inches from his.

"You WILL help us…or ELSE!" She said in the scariest voice Kotetsu had ever heard.

Iruka was sprawled backwards on top of a very happy Orochimaru who was hugging him and cooing, "Iruka-baby!"

Anko turned around, fire in her eyes and Kotetsu felt relieved as Anko went over to Orochimaru and stood on his face.

Iruka broke free and ran up to Kotetsu, who was still nervously stuck to the wall.

"You see Kotetsu…" Iruka whispered, as Anko started slapping Orochimaru several times, "…because Kabuto and Orochimaru are not together…all hell has been let loose!"

Kotetsu nodded, "Yeah…poor Orochimaru…"

After Anko had slapped Orochimaru about a hundred times and then stepped on his sensitive area, she returned to Iruka leaning on his shoulder and breathing heavily.

"Um…I'll help get Izumo away from Kabuto…" Kotetsu mumbled, as Anko shot him a look that said, "Well punk!"

"Arigato!" Iruka said as Anko hugged him her expression turning from psycho chick to cute upside down 'U' eyes.

Kotetsu walked over to the door in which Kabuto and Izumo were behind, he knocked a few time, but no one answered.

Iruka and Anko walked past the unconscious pulp that was Orochimaru and joined in with the knocking.

Kotetsu put his ear on the door and his cheeks turned a shade of magenta.

"Um…maybe we shouldn't disturb them…" Kotetsu suggested, backing away from the door.

"Oh no you don't!" Anko said, pulling him back, "Don't you have a spare key to this room or something?"

"Yes but…" Kotetsu mumbled as Iruka put his ear on the door to listen.

He could hear Izumo happily mumbling, "No Kabuto No…" And Kabuto screaming, "Heh Heh! YEAAAAAAAAAH!"

Iruka face turned pink to match Kotetsu's and they stared at each other helplessly as Anko turned out all of Kotetsu's pockets looking for the key.

"Anko-sama…" Iruka whispered, touching her shoulder, "…I don't think you should…"

"Ah Ha!" Anko screamed happily as she found a key and thrust it into the lock.

The door clicked and Anko yanked the door open.

Anko dropped the key and the three stared shocked at the scene before them. Kabuto and Izumo were both half naked and were each holding some cards.

"S-Strip Poker!" Orochimaru wailed, bursting into the room, "You never played that with MEEEEEEE!"

Kotetsu and Iruka sighed in relief and watched as Anko stormed past Orochimaru and grabbed Kabuto by his ear.

"Ow! Bitch what the hell…OW!" Kabuto yelled, as Anko grip increased.

"Look here you little shit…" Anko said menacingly as everyone stared in shock and slight amusement.

"Get off!" Kabuto demanded, pulling his head away, but Anko pulled it back.

Anko positioned her mouth directly over his burning red ear and hissed, "If you DON'T stop messing around with Izumo…and you DON'T get happily back with Orochimaru…I will-"

"You'll what!" Kabuto sneered, challenging her.

"Oh shit…" Kotetsu said covering his eyes.

"Anko-sama wait!" Iruka shouted, running towards her.

Izumo just sat there feeling shocked and Orochimaru grinned mumbling something about Kabuto deserving it.

"YAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Kabuto screamed, his eyes watering at the immense pain that shot through his privates.

Anko having stared into the cocky eyes of Kabuto for long enough, had decide to take further action and painfully stepped on him.

"GET OFF! GET OFF! GET OFFFFFF!" Kabuto screamed, as he twitched in agony.

"…If you don't get back with Orochimaru, I'll personally cut off you're odangos, put them on a skewer in a barbeque and feed them to the dogs…" Anko said airily, checking her nails.

"Way to go Anko!" Kotetsu laughed from behind Iruka, who just had funny look on his face as he made a mental note never to make Anko angry, ever.

"Fine! Fine! Just GET OFF!" Kabuto wailed.

Anko calmly walked over to Orochimaru, "He's all yours…"

Orochimaru actually hugged Anko then, and all the guys watched in surprise as she grinned and hugged him back.

"Arigato Anko-sama!" Orochimaru said happily, wiping the tears from his eyes, "If I ever have trouble with my men ever again…I'll come straight to you."

Anko smiled and watched as Orochimaru skipped over to Kabuto and picked him up bridal style.

"Stupid woman…" Kabuto mumbled under his breath, caressing his lower area, "I think she broke it!"

Orochimaru and Kabuto left and Izumo stood up and walked over to Kotetsu, "Um…guess I'm back to being single again…" He mumbled sadly.

Anko patted Izumo on the shoulder and whispered cheerily, "I wouldn't be so sure about that…" and then she shot a look at Kotetsu.

As Iruka and Anko left the Hokage's place, Iruka could hear Kotetsu screaming, "No, you've got it all wrong! We're just friends! You can't…AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"

Anko however was oblivious to Kotetsu's screams and linked arms with Iruka as they made their way back to Iruka's apartment.

"Iruka-baby…" Anko purred as they she comfortably on top of Iruka in an arm chair, "…Do you think I could stay the night again?…"

Iruka grinned, "Of course Anko-sama…"

Anko and Iruka embraced in a long and pleasant kiss, whilst the clock struck 8pm.

"Mmm…" Iruka mumbled, as Anko pulled Iruka's bobble off and ran her fingers through his loose hair.

"HI YAR!" A voice screamed and then Anko was knocked onto the floor.

"What the?" Anko moaned, looking up as a masked figure leapt in her place with Iruka.

"GET OFF MY IRUKA!" Anko screamed, pulling the figure away.

"A-Anko!" Iruka yelled, pushing the figure away as it tried to kiss him.

Anko wrenched this intruder off and flung him to the ground.

"Who the hell are you!" Iruka said exasperated, as he got up and stood next to Anko.

The figure cackled and looked up, the intruder was definitely feminine, as the silhouette her curves could just about been seen in the darkness of the living room.

"Look here bitch!" Anko said threateningly, "I've had enough of freaks trying to manhandle Iruka-baby today, so just back off okay!"

The figure stood up, her mask a bit like Kakashi's, but it didn't cover both of her eyes.

"Hn. Anko…don't you remember me?" The masked woman asked calmly.

"W-What…could it be?" Anko mumbled, her eyes widening in shock.

"Yes…It is I, you're long lost twin sister…Wanko!"

"Pfft! WANKO!" Iruka exploded in uncontrollable laughter.

Wanko gave Iruka a dirty look, "You dare mock MY name!"

"W-Wanko! Pfft! Haahahahahaaa!" Iruka, clutched his aching sides continued laughing.

"Damn you!" Wanko screamed hurtling herself at Iruka and strangling him.

"A-Anko ack…W-Wanko haha is haha…ack" Iruka was laughing whilst being strangled and it resulting in Iruka choking and going blue in the face.

"Wanko you bitch!" Anko yelled, strangling her sister.

After a few more minutes of struggling, strangling and choking the three people broke apart. Iruka coughing and wheezing as oxygen made it's way back into his windpipe and the twin sisters glaring at each other evilly.

"Anko…" Wanko growled rubbing her neck, where a pink choker had appeared from Anko strangling her so hard, "Give me you're man and I'll go quietly and never return…"

"AS IF!" Anko yelled, grabbing Iruka and standing in front of him protectively.

Wanko took off her mask, she looked just like her sister, except her hair was blue and it was tied in a long untidy plait.

"I hate you Onee-chan…" Wanko mumbled angrily, "You got the better name, you got the better life…and now you've got the better man!"

Iruka stared from one sister to the other, perhaps he was dreaming, who would in their right mind name their child 'Wanko'?

Suddenly Iruka burst out in laughter again, "Pfft…Willy Wanko and the chocolate factory!"

Wanko narrowed her eyes and was about to attack again, when Anko stood menacingly in front.

"You can't have MY man!" Anko said, bringing out a kunai.

Wanko did the same, "Oh…but dear Onee-chan…I want him…I WANT TO KILL HIM!"

And with that Wanko charged forwards, with Anko ready to defend her giggling boyfriend.


	7. The Joker In Poker

The Joker In Poker 

Wanko dived at Iruka, who coughed in his attempt to stop laughing, the kunais collided and the sisters struggled against each other.

"No one takes the piss out of my name and gets away with it!" Wanko screeched, pressing her kunai forwards.

Anko smirked and jumped out of her way, "…You'll have to kill everyone then, 'cause anyone who hears your name takes the piss out of it anyways!"

Wanko growled and a massive vein pulsed madly on her forehead, "I never did like you Onee-chan!"

"The feelings mutual!" Anko muttered as their kunais locked again.

"Um…ladies…" Iruka said nervously, "Um…please stop fighting, you might get hurt…"

Wanko grinned, "Your man's right…lets settle this another way…"

The sisters put their kunais away and sat in the armchairs facing each other with a steely glare, as Iruka stood at the side unsure of what to do.

"Um…how 'bout you settle this some other time…it's getting kind of late…" Iruka mumbled uneasily as both women turned to stare at him.

"Fine!" Wanko said suddenly, "But I'll be back!"

Wanko cackled madly and then exited through a window.

"Damn it! I knew this day would come…" Anko muttered angrily, staring at the window.

"Um…" Iruka mumbled, patting Anko softly on the shoulder, "…well…um…"

"That stupid bitch…she's always been after me…when I was seven, she always beat up my friends for laughing at her name and when I beat her up, she would tell our parents and I would get done…" Anko closed her eyes deep in thought, "…I haven't seen her in like nine years, but the last time she visited…heh…Ibiki chased her away for me…"

"Ibiki?" Iruka asked curiously.

"Yeah…Ibiki and me dated a couple of times and…" Anko looked at Iruka who was trying to fight off a hint of jealousy, "…Well my sister's always trying to mess up my life some way or another, so she tried to steal Ibiki and well…"

Anko started giggled really girlishly, "Ibiki…showed her his head and all those scars on it…she freaked and ran away!"

Iruka grinned, "Wow…I've never actually seen his head, but it must have been scary!"

The couple laughed for a few minutes, then they kissed for a few minutes and then they fell asleep in each other's arms. The next few days went on as normal, with no more strange or unusual events. Konohamaru whined as usual in class, moaning that Ebisu the 'glasses teacher' had been sent in his place when he was absent.

"The glasses teacher is a closet pervert, that's what Naruto tells me!" Konohamaru announced proudly, "He's a really crappy teacher too!"

Iruka threw a board duster at Konohamaru's head and told him not to disrespect his elders, but Konohamaru just giggled and mumbled something about not respecting elders at all.

By the time it was Tuesday, everyone on the calendar voting board had at least one vote, Kakashi now had an amazing five hundred and twelve votes and Iruka was still in second place with a nice two hundred and eighty-nine votes.

"Hmm…I'm not doing so bad anymore!" Gai said happily from Iruka's side, "I now have ninety-nine votes!"

Iruka smiled pitifully, having only ninety-nine votes put Gai in twentieth place.

"Have a nice day!" Gai said, before cheerily disappearing.

Iruka made his way home quickly, he wanted to shower before he went on his date with Anko today. Just as Iruka was leaving his apartment, twenty minutes before his date, Kakashi appeared.

"Yo Iruka-kun!" Kakashi said happily, "Want to hang out tonight?"

"Um…gomen Kakashi…I've got a date…"

"Oh…" Kakashi said sadly turning away.

Iruka racked his brains for something that might cheer his friend up, "Um…Kakashi-kun, why don't you get Ayame and we can double date?"

Kakashi avoided Iruka's eyes for a moment and then he sadly mumbled, "Ayame broke up with me…"

Iruka walked up to the miserable Kakashi and patted him on the shoulders.

"What happened?" Iruka asked softly.

"She…well…put it this way…Ayame said I was paying too much attention to my 'Icha Icha Paradise' book and that her Dad didn't want us seeing each other anymore 'cause of the age gap between us…"

Iruka gently squeezed Kakashi's drooping shoulder, "Don't worry, eh? There are plenty more fish in the sea…" Iruka's eyes lit up enthusiastically, "…and since you helped me and Anko get together…I'll help you find a much better girl!"

Kakashi's eyes watered slightly and he grabbed Iruka in a great manly hug, "Arigato Iruka-kun!"

Iruka looked at his watch, "Um…Kakashi, I've got to go…Anko's waiting for me…"

Kakashi smiled, "I understand…go and be with you're woman Iruka…Bye!"

Iruka frowned, Kakashi's smile was a forced one, and he'd probably go off and drown himself in sake or something now.

"Kakashi-kun!" Iruka called after Kakashi who turned around immediately, "Um…why don't you tag along on my date, eh?"

"Really?" Kakashi asked cutely, "You don't mind?"

"Of course not!" Iruka lied.

And so Iruka and Kakashi went to meet a very prettied up Anko who stood waiting on the bridge.

"Iruka-baby!" She squealed throwing her arms around him when he arrived, "Um…hi Kakashi…"

Iruka quickly explained about Kakashi's situation and Anko smiled and grabbed both men by the arm, "Let's go on our date then!"

Iruka, Anko and Kakashi went to a restaurant first, it was quite full today. Kurenai and Asuma could be seen staring lovingly into each other's eyes at the back, Orochimaru and an annoyed Kabuto were there too and so were Izumo and Kotetsu.

"Oi! Anko! This is YOUR fault!" Kotetsu hissed as they walked past to get to the table next to them.

"Whatever do you mean?" Anko said innocently, as Kakashi looked confused from Kotetsu to Anko and then settling his gaze on Izumo who sliding his leg up against Kotetsu's.

"YOU put funny ideas in Izumo's head! Now he thinks were a couple!" Kotetsu said, quiet enough, so that the dazed Izumo would not hear, "Now he keeps on making me go out with him and if I say no…he cries!"

Izumo slid his foot, way up Kotetsu's leg and Kotetsu blushed, as Anko giggled nervously.

"Aiii!" Kotetsu screamed, "Izumo quit it will you!"

Izumo recoiled and turned his head away his eyes watering, "Y-You…hate me!"

"N-No!" Kotetsu whined exasperated and then he turned to Anko, "You've got to fix this!"

Anko, Iruka and Kakashi sat down and Iruka filled Kakashi in on the other day's events with Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"Hmm…" Anko said, leaning on Iruka's shoulder, "You seem to be enjoying yourself though…I don't want to impose…"

"Anko…Kotetsu's straight, he can't cope with Izumo being that way…" Iruka whispered.

"Hmm…looks can be deceiving…" Anko said quietly, "…but Izumo is acting a teeny bit odd though…"

Anko, Iruka, Kakashi then watched with great interest as Kotetsu went over to the sobbing Izumo and patted him on the back, since his crying had got louder and louder.

"Aww…C'mon Izumo-kun…You know I didn't mean to upset you…"

Izumo looked up, "I know…but…I can't help myself…there's this overwhelming force making me wanna…"

"Wanna what?" Kotetsu asked wiping Izumo's eyes with a cloth.

"…I wanna fuck you…"

Anko, Iruka, Kakashi and Kotetsu gasped.

"A Ha! I know why! Gay jutsu!" Anko said walking over to Kabuto, who was a few tables in front.

"G-Gay jutsu!" Kakashi sniggered behind his mask.

"Hey, hey…it's bad enough that I've to put up with you licking my neck all this time…but fuck me!" Kotetsu mumbled awkwardly.

Izumo grabbed Kotetsu by the waist and nuzzled his face into his stomach.

"Izumo…what the hell are you doing? Get some control over yourself! Kotetsu grumbled trying to remove his friend from him.

"Ooh! Kotetsu-kun!" Izumo cooed in a girly voice, "I love you!"

Anko smacked Kabuto over the back of the head.

"Ow! Bitch what was that for!" Kabuto yelled.

"OW!" Kabuto yelled again as Anko repeated her actions but harder.

"Hey Anko!" Orochimaru said angrily, "What do you think you're doing!"

Anko ignored Orochimaru and said to the annoyed Kabuto, "Take that gay jutsu off Izumo!"

Kabuto rubbed his head and grinned, "Oh yeah…I forgot about that!"

Kabuto went over to Izumo, who was feeling up Kotetsu's nice firm ass.

"Release horny jutsu!" Kabuto said forming some hand seals.

"Horny jutsu?" Iruka raised an eyebrow.

"Yep…there's no such thing as a gay jutsu stupid!" Kabuto smirked.

Kakashi blinked, "But that means…"

"Izumo's really gay…" Kotetsu finished his sentence.

Izumo looked up at everyone and blushed.

"Heh…you were a great kisser." Kabuto said airily.

"Y-You…" Izumo mumbled, with his fist clenched, "…You were an AWFUL kisser…you drooled and your tongue's like sandpaper!"

Other people in the restaurant turned to stare, Kabuto turned crimson, "Why you!"

But before Kabuto could unleash another freakish jutsu, Orochimaru came over and wound his tongue around Kabuto's head, covering the mouth.

"Come on Kabuto-kun…lets go home and play!" Orochimaru said happily.

"Mfmfuckmshitmm!" Kabuto mumbled under Orochimaru's fat wet tongue as he was dragged out of the restaurant.

Everyone sweat dropped.

"Hmm…poor Kabuto…" Kakashi mumbled as he tucked into the food that had just arrived.

"S-So you're really gay?" Kotetsu mumbled swirling his food around in its bowl.

"Yeah…um sorry I threw myself on you…you know…tried to kiss you and stuff…" Izumo said sadly looking down.

Kotetsu grinned and whispered, "You know…I actually kind of liked that…"

The two men grinned naughtily at each other and then Kotetsu paid the bill and they left pretty quickly.

Anko smiled, as she watched Kotetsu grab Izumo's hand as they left, maybe she should consider being a matchmaker?

Anko and Iruka cutely fed each other their dinner, whilst Kakashi just hungrily shovelled it all in.

"Hmm…" Kakashi said sadly, "…Ayame used to feed me…"

Anko wiped Iruka's mouth with a napkin and then she smiled, "Kakashi-kun…please look on the bright side…now you're free for all the other girls in the world."

Iruka added softly, "You've got so many votes on the scoreboard…the women love you Kakashi."

The three left the restaurant and decided to stop by the pub instead, Genma and Gekkou were there.

"Hey guys!" Genma said raising a beer jug. Gekkou smiled and gestured to the seats nearby.

"Hi…" Kakashi mumbled, sitting down next to Genma, "…I feel like a gallon of sake today.

"Woah…Kakashi!" Genma exclaimed, "Too much sake does funny thing to your bladder y'know…"

Anko sat on Iruka's lap next to Gekkou and Iruka and Gekkou started a conversation about their favourite beer brands.

Anko snuggled into Iruka's chest, sipping her sake every now and then. Kakashi really was drinking a gallon of sake, Genma stopped him after his twentieth glass, but Kakashi batted him away like a fly.

"Oi! Oi! Kakashi-kun!" Genma screamed, snatching his sake away, "Sake is strong stuff…you don't want to over do it…why not have some beer instead?"

The next thing that happened, was that Kakashi turned to Genma and started snogging him, Kakashi was really strong so Genma couldn't actually get away.

"Mmpf! Helmmpf!" He mumbled under Kakashi's drunken lips.

"Oh 'cough' shit!" Gekkou said pulling at Kakashi's arms, which were wrapped tightly around the struggling Genma.

"Kakashi!" Iruka screamed, running over to help, "Let go Kakashi!"

Anko sighed and rubbed her head thoughtfully, Kakashi must be more depressed then she thought.

Kakashi was really into the kiss, he pressed against Genma and slid his arms down towards Genma's ass.

"KAKASHI! SNAP OUT OF IT!" Iruka screamed, smacking Kakashi in the face.

Kakashi opened his eyes and blinked a few times while, Genma gagged and spat, with Gekkou patting him sympathetically on the back.

"I'm so fucking lonely…" Kakashi mumbled, before falling unconscious on the floor.

Iruka ran to get a cold wet cloth and Anko crouched over and gently said, "Kakashi-kun? Kakashi…wake up."

Genma was scraping his tongue with a napkin whilst Gekkou joked, "You looked like you were having fun!"

Genma then smacked Gekkou over the head with his napkin and grumbled, "Eugh…I can still taste him…I am so gonna kick his ass when he comes to!"

Genma then started scraping his tongue with his trusty toothpick instead.

"Kakashi?" Iruka said worriedly, placing a wet cloth over his forehead.

Anko was now handing Genma some glasses of water so he could gargle, Kakashi opened his eyes wearily.

"Iruka?" He mumbled, "…I really miss Ayame…"

Iruka patted Kakashi on the shoulder, "…Eh? Kakashi-kun…um forget her, I told you we'd find you a better girl…"

"Okay…" Kakashi croaked, before falling unconscious again.

Iruka leaned Kakashi in a sitting position against the wall and then sat in the stool above. Genma was still gargling noisily, with Gekkou laughing at the side.

"Is he okay, Iruka-baby?" Anko asked softly.

"Yeah…I think so…"

"Damn it! He is so dead! I'm gonna beat him to a pulp!" Genma ranted, putting his toothpick back into the corner of his mouth.

"Hmm…'cough' you sure you didn't enjoy it?" Gekkou mocked for the tenth time.

Iruka kept glancing at Kakashi worriedly, but he was still unconscious, slumped to one side and cutely drooling. Iruka was glancing at Kakashi again when he noticed something else instead. Some one had just entered the pub and they looked like they were looking for trouble.

"Oh Shit!" Iruka yelled, trying to get the attention of the others, as a joker card flew towards him and embedded itself in the bar counter.


	8. Bloodshed Killer Poker

Bloodshed…Killer Poker 

"Wanko!" Anko hissed angrily.

"Wanko?" Gekkou chuckled.

Wanko's face turned a furious red in the doorway.

"What? Who's a wanker?" Genma asked curiously.

"Grr!" Wanko said sitting herself next to Iruka, "Whoever laughs at MY name DIES!"

"Your name's wanker!" Genma screamed hysterically.

KER-PLUNK

Wanko pulled Genma to the floor by his hair.

"YAOW!" Genma yelled angrily, "What the fu-"

Wanko brought her face close to Genma's, "You gotta die!"

"Hey Wanko…" Anko said calmly, "Did you just come to say hello, or is there another reason?"

"Hn!" Wanko retrieved her joker card from the counter and grinned, "I came here to make a challenge dear Onee-chan…"

"Onee-chan!" Genma said quietly, biting furiously on his toothpick stifling his hysteria.

"Well…'cough', they do look similar…" Gekkou mumbled, looking from sister to sister.

"The challenge is a game of killer poker!" Wanko announced, slamming a deck of battered old cards on the counter.

"What the hell is 'killer poker'!" Anko asked irritably, taking a large sip of her sake.

"It's just like normal poker…but…" A malicious grin flashed across Wanko's face, "…but when you lose, you don't lose money, or clothes…"

"But what do you lose then?" Iruka asked worriedly as the two sisters glared at each other.

"You lose blood." Wanko plainly stated, an air of satisfaction in her voice.

"You're twisted Wanko." Anko mumbled.

Wanko began shuffling her cards, "I know."

"Wait, 'cough' wait." Gekkou interrupted, "You can't use those…use these."

Wanko narrowed her eyes angrily as Gekkou brought out his usual deck of pretty gold-rimmed cards, "Fine."

"B-But Anko-sama…blood! I-It's dangerous! You can't play this!" Iruka said desperately staring at Anko's face.

"Don't be silly Iruka-baby…I'll never lose to HER!" Anko replied, not taking her eyes off her sister.

"Oi! Oi! Not here you don't!" The bartender said angrily, "I'm not having any blood spillin' 'ere!"

And so the group of ninja went back to Iruka's apartment, Genma and Gekkou carried the unconscious Kakashi between them.

"Please Anko-sama! I don't wanna see you get hurt!" Iruka pleaded on the way to his apartment.

"Then don't look!" Anko snapped, she was determined and her mind was definitely made up.

Genma put Kakashi to sleep in Iruka's bed and entered the living room, where Iruka was nervously watching as Anko and Wanko sat cross legged on the wooden floorboards, still glaring at each other. The whole walk over to Iruka's apartment had probably been a staring contest for them.

Genma and Gekkou each sat in an armchair, whilst the panicking Iruka was sitting next to Anko, shaking his head and biting his lip.

"Okay Onee-chan…" Wanko said shuffling the cards, "…this is how it works…we play poker…loser gets a little cut with the kunai…who ever gives up or passes out from blood loss first loses…"

"But then what's the point!" Iruka asked frustrated, "…You just end up hurt! Nothing good will come out of it!"

Wanko smirked, her mouth stretched all the way across her face, she might even beat Orochimaru in an unnaturally HUGE mouth contest.

"The point is dear Iruka…" Wanko said, her eyes twinkling mischievously, "…that we'll get to see who is the stronger out of us two…and the winner will get you…"

"ME!" Iruka screamed loudly, making Genma and Gekkou jump, "W-Why me!"

Anko sighed, "Sorry Iruka-baby…this is just something between me and Wanko…a sibling rivalry thing…but don't worry I'll win!"

Iruka frowned, one of the deepest frowns he's probably frowned ever and hung his head as the game begun.

The first round went to Anko, she had a royal flush, whist Wanko had complete and utterly crap set of cards.

"Damn you!" She cursed as she held her hand out for Anko to slice it.

Anko took a kunai out from behind her, and stabbed Wanko's thumb with it.

The wound was no more than a bad paper cut, but Wanko creepily sucked on her thumb as if she enjoyed the taste of her own blood.

"Heh…the games only just begun, eh?" She said cheerily as Anko shuffled the cards.

In the second round Anko was yet again victorious, Wanko swore as Anko cheerily sliced Wanko's palm this time. This wound was a lot deeper and warm blood began trickling onto the floorboards and onto Gekkou's cards.

"Hmm…thank God they're water-proof!" Gekkou grumbled as the blood ran over Wanko's two of hearts.

"I still can't believe her name's wanker!" Genma whispered hysterically, as the next round began.

Wanko winced as she tried to hold the cards in her hand, "That's why you cut my hand, eh?" she asked admirably as pain shot through her hand when the cards accidentally brushed against her wound.

Anko smirked, "You can always quit if it hurts too much."

"Hn." Wanko sneered as she changed a card.

Anko sweat dropped, as did Iruka, Anko wasn't doing well in the next round.

"Show hand." Wanko declared after catching sight of Anko and Iruka's frowning faces.

Anko showed her set of cards and Wanko grinned evilly, Anko had no matching sets or pairs, whilst Wanko had two pairs of ace and kings.

"Here…" Anko said airly holding out her hand.

"Oh…but Onee-chan…I don't want to hurt your beautiful hands…"

"Well then what the hell do you plan to do?" Anko said impatiently.

"I plan to cut up your precious ass instead…"

Iruka started choking and Genma opened his mouth so wide, his toothpick fell out.

"M-My ass!" Anko asked angrily.

"You heard…now stand up so I can do it!" Wanko ordered standing up.

The three men then watched in horror as Anko stood up too and turned around so that her back faced her sister.

"N-No Anko-sama!" Iruka yelled, standing in between the sisters, "Wanko! Cut my ass instead!"

Wanko giggled hysterically, "Oh no Iruka-kun…I couldn't do that! This kunai is for Anko only!"

Anko grabbed Iruka tightly on the shoulder and smiled, "Don't worry Iruka-baby…wounds heal…I'll be fine!"

Anko turned around again and Wanko, in one smooth action sliced her left buttock through her clothes.

Anko winced and then said cheerily, "Well onto the next round then!"

However, during the next round Anko could no longer sit, due to the stinging pain in her ass, so instead she kneeled rather uncomfortably.

"You can always quit!" Wanko said grinning from behind her set of cards.

Anko grinned too, "Hn…I'd never give up."

Anko was swapping some of her cards and everyone was watching intently, when a half drunken, half asleep Kakashi lumbered into the room.

"Ooh! A parrrrrrty!" Kakashi mumbled, making his way towards Genma.

"Oh no, I ain't letting you kiss me again!" Genma said diving out of his seat and running over to Gekkou.

"Aww…no one loves meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…" Kakashi mumbled sadly, tripping over Wanko.

"Why you basta-" Wanko screeched as the jounin fell on her, crushing her injured hand.

"YAOOOOOOOOOW!" Wanko screamed, pulling her hand from under Kakashi and then with her other hand she slapped him across the face.

"Ow…That hurt…" Kakashi grumbled from a heap on the floor.

"Kakashi!" Iruka said worriedly, helping him to Genma's evacuated seat.

Genma was now perched on the arm of the other armchair, next to Gekkou, who was frowning at the poor sight of Kakashi.

"Who the hell is he!" Wanko asked furiously, cradling her hand.

"He's Kakashi and you have no right to slap him Wanko." Anko said angrily, as Iruka patted Kakashi on the shoulder checking if he was all right.

"Hn! Whatever!" Wanko said, picking up her cards, which had luckily fallen face down.

"Show hand." Anko said before Wanko could even move.

Wanko frowned she'd lost again.

"Heh…revenge time don'tcha think?" Anko said readying her kunai.

Wanko stood up hesitantly and Anko slashed her butt with her kunai, but nothing happened.

"Your pants are too thick!" Anko moaned, "Take them off."

Wanko narrowed her eyes and was about to pull her leather pants down, when Kakashi screamed, "Yay! Take them off!"

Wanko turned around a kunai in her hand and hissed, "What did you just say!"

Iruka panicked and covered Kakashi's mouth with his hand.

"Ow! He bit me!" Iruka wailed a second later.

"I SAID YAAAAAAAAY TAKE THEM OFF!" Kakashi giggled, swaying dangerously.

"You perverted little bastard!" Wanko screamed diving at Kakashi.

The other sober ninjas sprung into action, Anko and Genma grabbed Wanko and Gekkou and Iruka stood protectively in front of the giggling Kakashi.

"Grr! Let me go!" Wanko hissed, "The one thing I hate more than people making fun of my name is PERVERTS!"

"Wanko! You're playing ME remember!" Anko shouted, her grip tightening.

"Heh, heh Wanko?" Kakashi mumbled from behind Gekkou and Iruka.

"Kakashi Ssh!" Iruka said desperately, but it was too late.

"HEH! HEH! WANKO! IT HAS THE WORD WANK IN IT!" Kakashi screamed psychotic giggles having taken over his body.

"Y-You YOU! DIE!" Wanko screeched breaking free from Anko and Genma's grasp and plunging through Gekkou and Iruka.

"Noooooo!" Genma screamed.

"Kakashi!" Iruka yelled spinning round quickly.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion, Anko and Genma leapt forwards after Wanko, as did Iruka and Gekkou, but none of them made it.

Wanko lunged herself into the armchair and her kunai thrust down hard.

"Kakashi! No!" Anko gasped.

"K-Kakashi…" Iruka trembled.

Genma and Gekkou froze.

Wanko cackled triumphant and evil…


	9. End Of Poker Start Of Fire

**End of Poker Start of Fire **

"Heh! Got you now bastard!" Wanko said happily as her kunai sank deep into Kakashi's chest.

"Hmm…that kinda would hurt…" Kakashi mumbled cheerily, "…but y'know…it actually doesn't!"

"W-What!" Wanko said furiously as the man in front of her poofed and turned into a cushion.

"Phew! He used the replacement technique…" Iruka said wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU BASTARD!" Wanko screamed, the disappearance of her prey increasing her anger.

"I'm over here!" Kakashi said cheerily wobbling behind Anko.

"Wow…even when he's drunk he can do jutsus!" Genma said admirably.

"Hey…are you like…um…a stripper?" Kakashi mumbled, leaning on Anko as his legs were a bit unsteady.

The vein in the corner of Wanko's head pulsed madly and her face turned red as she growled, "Y-You are definitely…gonna die…TONIGHT!"

Anko brought two kunais out and said calmly, "If you attack Kakashi…you forfeit our game…I win…and you leave for ever!"

Wanko took a deep breath, grinned defiantly and put her kunai away, "Hmm…wouldn't want that would we?"

The ninjas relaxed as Wanko pulled down her pants, to reveal some very nice black lingerie.

Genma and Iruka turned away to prevent getting a nosebleed, whilst Gekkou just coughed purposely and stared at Kakashi instead.

"Ooh…nice pan-" Kakashi mumbled, but Anko slapped her hand over his mouth.

"Be a good boy Kakashi and be quiet okay?" Anko said kindly, Kakashi smiled and then nodded.

Anko drew her kunai across Wanko's pale ass and then kneeled down to resume the game.

Wanko then flinched as she pulled her pants back up, and also kneeled down, as the blood trickled down her leg.

"Oh no! The stripper's hurt!" Kakashi suddenly said sadly.

"Grr!" Wanko said clenching her fist, "Shut him up! Or I WILL kill him!"

Iruka pulled Kakashi back over to the armchair and sat him down, whilst Genma distracted him by waving his toothpick in front of his face.

"Okay…next round…" Anko said calmly.

Wanko dealt the cards and the next round began.

Both sisters frowned; neither of them was getting the cards they wanted.

"Hmm…will you snog me?" Kakashi asked the sweat dropping Iruka, "…I'm feeling horny."

"Um…Gomen Kakashi-kun I have a girl friend!" Iruka replied awkwardly, as Kakashi leaned up towards him.

"Aww…I wanna kiss!" Kakashi whined like an infant.

Wanko twitched in pure hatred for Kakashi, "Shut him up…or I will!"

"I wanna a kiss! I wanna kiss! I wanna! I wanna!" Kakashi demanded, tugging on Iruka's sleeve.

"Ssh! Kakashi! Ssh!" Iruka said desperately, "Oi! Genma, Gekkou! A little help!"

Genma snorted, "I ain't kissing him again!"

"I'm 'cough' ill…'cough' wouldn't 'cough' want Kakashi to 'cough' catch it…"

Iruka frowned at the unhelpful ninjas and turned back to Kakashi who was now sucking on a finger.

"What are you doing, eh Kakashi-kun?" Iruka asked the drunken jounin sadly.

"You won't kiss me so…" Kakashi smiled wickedly and then thrust his wet finger into Iruka's ear, "…so you get WET WILLY!"

Iruka shrieked and rubbed his ear in shock, as Kakashi rolled around laughing in the armchair.

"THAT'S IT!" Wanko suddenly screamed, "YOU WON'T FUCKIN' SHUT HIM UP SO I WILL!"

"Wanko! Remember! If you attack Kakashi, you forfeit the game!" Anko shouted as Wanko stood up grinning creepily.

"Then I guess I won't attack him then!" Wanko yelled, making her way over to the madly chuckling Kakashi.

Iruka stood in front of Kakashi, unsure of what to do, but then Wanko hissed, "Move Iruka!"

"Okay!" Iruka yelped diving to one side, Wanko was just as scary as Anko, if not even more.

"Hello stripper!" Kakashi said cheerily as Wanko stood in front of him, arms by her side, "You got nice panties!"

Wanko snarled and grabbed Kakashi by the collar of his jounin jacket, everyone in the room gasped.

"Mmm…Mmm…MmmMmmMmm" Kakashi mumbled as Wanko roughly kissed him.

"There you little pervert…you got your kiss…" Wanko whispered gently, "…Now shut the fuck up okay?"

Kakashi grinned lazily and nodded.

Iruka blushed as Kakashi tugged on his sleeve again and whispered, "Heh…now I'm super horny!"

"Where were we?" Wanko said as she retrieved her cards from the floor and kneeled down facing a slightly shocked Anko.

"Um…it's your turn to change cards…" Anko quickly replied, returning her attention to her own cards.

A few moments later Anko said, "Show hand."

Wanko showed her cards, "Oh shit!" Anko cursed, her cards were not as great as she thought.

"Hmm…I think I'll go for your other butt cheek now…" Wanko said happily.

Anko stood up and winced as Wanko's cold kunai cut her warm skin, she probably wouldn't be able to sit down for a few days now.

"Aww…stripper you're so mean…" Kakashi grumbled as a weary Anko winced in pain.

Wanko glared at Kakashi for a moment and then smiled, "I forfeit."

"What?" Anko asked in disbelief.

"I…forfeit." Wanko said more slowly this time.

"I heard what you said!" Anko snapped back.

"That's great!" Iruka yelled, running over to Wanko, "It's getting late anyway, so thanks for coming, goodbye!"

Wanko smirked, "I'll leave…after you've given me that cute little pervert…"

"What!" Iruka gasped, "Kakashi?"

"Oi! He's not a boy toy y'know!" Anko said angrily, as her butt was still stinging.

"Hn. He may be drunk…but hey, I like him." Wanko said cocking her head to one side and staring admirably at Kakashi.

Anko was about to protest again, when Iruka whispered something in her ear.

"Okay Wanko…you can have Kakashi…" Anko announced.

Wanko smiled, kindly this time, "Really Onee-chan? You're giving me the better man?"

"Eh hem…it's not about whose better or not, but I'll let you date him okay? He's recently broken up and so he's kinda available and if you like him…then I say go for it!" Anko said catching Iruka's eye.

"Ooh! Yay!" Wanko said happily running over to the dazed Kakashi and giving him a big hug, which then turned into a big kiss.

Wanko put her leather pants back on and then left grinning and said, "Tomorrow, seven pm make sure he's at the ramen stall!"

Anko sighed and went over to give Iruka a hug, "Thank God! Maybe this rivalry thing will end now!"

Iruka smiled weakly still pondering over Wanko's words, was Kakashi the better man?

Genma and Gekkou stood awkwardly as Iruka and Anko embraced in a long passionate kiss whilst Kakashi kept on whispering, "Can you die from being too horny?"

Gekkou retrieved his slightly blood covered cards and Genma said their goodbyes and they left with Kakashi. Iruka's hands made their way down to Anko's ass as they kissed and Anko flinched.

"Oops…sorry Anko-sama…I forgot about your injuries, I'll go get the first aid kit okay?" Iruka said thoughtfully.

Anko sat down in the armchair, but then she shot back up again, as her ass stung immensely.

Anko took off her pants and lay on Iruka's really comfy bed as Iruka gently tended to her cuts.

"Ow…" Anko mumbled as Iruka dabbed at her with some ointment, "It stings…Wanko, that bitch."

Iruka smiled, "At least she won't be bothering you anymore, eh?"

Anko giggled giddily as Iruka planted a kiss on her bare butt cheek.

"Hmm…all we got to do is make sure Kakashi goes on the date tomorrow…hmm…seven pm didn't she say?" Iruka said softly, putting a plaster on each bum cheek.

"Yeah…Outside the ramen place or something…"

"The ramen place! Oh no!" Iruka suddenly said, nearly falling off the edge of the bed he was perched upon.

"What?"

"A-Ayame…remember!" Iruka mumbled worriedly.

"Oh yeah…shit…" Anko replied, turning to face Iruka, "Hmm…maybe we could make them eat somewhere else?"

"Do you think she'll agree to that?"

Anko frowned and put her pants back on, "Well…she'd better 'cause if Kakashi sees Ayame who knows what he might do."

Iruka sighed and looked out of the window, the sky was practically black.

"A-Anko-sama!" Iruka suddenly screamed as something disturbing caught his eye.

"What is it Iruka-baby!" Anko asked worriedly, running next to Iruka by to the window.

"Something's on fire!"

The couple stood frozen by the window as a roaring orange flame could be seen. It was quite small, but it was rapidly increasing in size and thick grey smoke was trailing up into the sky.

"Let's go." Anko said quickly and then she and Iruka hopped out of the window and dashed along the rooftops towards the Hokage's place.

* * *

Okay...the story's gonna go a bit 'gasp' 'shock' 'drama' for a chapter, but I hope you'll like it! Thanks SOOOOOOOOOO much for the reviews! You're all wonderful people! Next chapter...well i don't wanna give you the title coz it'll spoil the surprise!


	10. Gold Rimmed Cards Get Burnt

**Thanks so much to those few dedicated readers! You are the wind beneath my wings! -****

* * *

**

Gold Rimmed Cards Get Burnt

The Hokage's place was on fire…

By the time Iruka and Anko got there, the fire had spread it's way across a whole half the building.

Genma, Gekkou, Kakashi and Wanko were already there.

"Holy Shit…" Gekkou mumbled he watched the fire lick up the wood so easily.

"Damn it! What if Shizune's in there!" Genma yelled worriedly.

Genma was about to run in when Iruka grabbed him by the shoulder, "Genma! You can't go in there yet! We've got to put the fire out!"

Genma chewed his toothpick furiously and then said, "I'm going to get some water!"

"I'll go too!" Iruka yelled, following Genma and disappearing.

"Me too!" Kakashi said, apparently waking up from his drunken daze.

"Shit…how could this have happened?" Anko asked as the other ninjas stood helplessly.

"I think it started with that big board thingy…and then it must have spread across…" Wanko said, pointing at the remains of the calendar scoreboard.

"Oh shit, 'cough' Oh shit 'cough'…" Gekkou grumbled as the fire increased.

"Gekkou-kun!" A girl with purple hair and an ANBU mask called.

"Yugao! 'Cough'…" Gekkou shouted back, over the roar of the fire.

"Gekkou-kun! Get away from here! The smoke is making your condition worse!" Yugao screamed, pulling her ANBU cat mask down and looking into Gekkou's eyes worriedly.

"Can't 'cough'…I've got to 'cough cough cough'…"

"Gekkou GO NOW!" Yugao screamed, pulling her mask back down, "Me and the ANBU team will take care of this!"

Gekkou watched as his girlfriend and two other ANBU members vanished into the flaming building.

"Yu… 'cough cough'…gao 'cough cough cough'…"

Anko patted Gekkou on the back, "You don't need to be here, go home okay? Me and Wanko will be helping."

Gekkou nodded and dashed off into the trees.

The twins watched as ANBU members began carrying people out of the Hokage's building, "C'mon Wanko, let's see if anyone needs help!"

Wanko nodded, "Hai!"

Kakashi, Iruka and Genma returned with some buckets of water and when Kakashi used a special jutsu on it, the water grew and hit the building in big waves.

Iruka and Genma ran backwards and forwards as Kakashi continued with his special jutsu.

Kurenai, Asuma and Gai also showed up, helping Iruka and Genma with the water supply.

Anko and Wanko tended to the injured, moving them away from the chaos and calming them down as the medical team arrived to help.

Gekkou, should've reached home by now, but he hadn't even moved from the trees.

He was sadly watching as ANBU members carried out strangely naked Izumo, naked Kotetsu and many others of Tsunade's close helpers and workers.

Yugao dashed in and out quite a lot of times, when she brought a coughing Shizune out, Genma ran to her and they embraced in a warm hug as Yugao dashed back in.

"Damn 'cough' it…" Gekkou muttered, feeling utterly useless.

The flame was still spreading, the water was not doing much to it, the building was quickly being incinerated.

"Yugao…" Gekkou mumbled anxiously, when he realised she'd been in the building for more than ten minutes, "YUGAO!"

Gekkou flew from the trees he was hiding in and dashed past the commotion of ninjas and into the burning hell.

"YUGAO! 'COUGH COUGH' YUGAO!" Gekkou screamed frantically as he dodged falling timbers and raging flames.

"YUGAO! 'COUGH COUGH COUGH' YUGAO! WHERE ARE 'COUGH COUGH' YOU!"

Gekkou wandered deeper into the building, until he was practically trapped by a wall of flames, his throat was hoarse from screaming and coughing and the smoke was making him dizzy.

"Yugao?…" He mumbled as he stumbled over to a limp figure on the floor, "YUGAO!"

She had passed out, probably from inhaling too much smoke and was slumped under a furiously blazing ceiling which threatened to fall in at any moment.

"Yugao! 'cough cough' Yugao please…" Gekkou mumbled as he bent over to pick her up.

"Yugao…no…'cough'….Yugao…"

Gekkou lifted his unconscious girlfriend up into his arms and he stumbled blindly through the flames.

His vision was blurring, his body felt weak and he felt like he couldn't breathe, "Yugao…"

Outside the ninjas were severely panicking, the fire had almost consumed the whole building and a lot of people had been injured.

"Tsunade-sama's missing!" Shizune screamed at an ANBU member.

"Shit…Yugao's not out yet!" An ANBU member with a hippo mask shouted to another member, with a bear mask.

"She was supposed to get Tsuanade-sama…she's not back yet!" Bear mask replied.

"Shit!" Hippo masked said and they dashed quickly towards the building.

They were metres from the entrance when the whole building collapsed in…

"NO!" Shizune screamed, as Genma hugged her tightly, "Tsunade-sama!"

All ninja's froze; anyone who was still in the building would've been killed.

The ANBU members hung their heads, "Yugao…"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, "What the hell do you think you're all doing! WE STILL HAVE PEOPLE TO SAVE!"

It was as if Kakashi's voice was the play button on a remote, everyone looked at him shocked at first, but then they sprang back into action and the ANBU members dived back into the debris.

Kakashi panted and wiped the sweat from his face, the fire was finally out, "C'mon guys lets go!"

Kakashi, Iruka, Genma, Gai, Kurenai and Asuma then followed the ANBU members into the rubble and they began furiously digging for survivors.

Iruka froze; there was a pack of gold-rimmed cards lying scorched near his feet.

"Gekkou?…" Iruka frantically dug at the mound of wood underfoot and screamed at the others for help.

The ninjas dug using jutsus and some, like Iruka, with his bare hands. Iruka dug at the debris until his fingers bled and many splinters injected themselves into his skin.

"What the?" Kakashi mumbled as a bright blue light shone up through the mass of charred wood.

KABOOM! The light grew brighter and blasted all the ninjas and a lot of debris flying in all directions.

"YAAAARGH!" Iruka screamed as he was sent flying into Kakashi.

The ninjas looked up in surprise, an angel was emerging from the rubble, surrounded by a bright blue orb of chakra.

Shizune hugged Genma tightly and grinned, "It's Tsunade-sama!"

Medical teams rushed over as the blue orb vanished and she fell limply onto two other unconscious figures.

The injured and exhausted were rushed to hospital the crisis was over.

Anko stood happily over Iruka's hospital bed, "Iruka-baby…"

Iruka smiled, "Anko-sama…"

Anko brushed his hair and Iruka moved his hands up to her face and she giggled, his hands had been thickly bandaged and resembled golf balls.

"Oh get a room!" Wanko yelled from Kakashi's bedside.

Anko ignored her sister and kissed Iruka passionately.

"Hn." Wanko grumbled turning to Kakashi, "Ooh Kakashi-kun! Shall we make out too?"

Kakashi blinked slowly, his chakra had been completely exhausted, his eyes turned into upside-down 'U' shapes.

"Um…Do I know you?" Kakashi asked.

"I'm Wanko! Remember?"

"Pfft! Wanko?" Kakashi chuckled.

THWACK!

"Ow…that hurt."

Gai laughed from the side of the ward, next to Kurenai and Asuma, Genma and Shizune.

"That's my rival!" Gai said cheerily, flashing his biggest smile and blinding everyone.

"Eh hem…" A medical ninja entered the room, "I'm sorry…but…Hokage-sama and the other two patients are in a critical condition…there is only a forty percent chance that they will survive.

Everyone in the room grew silent as the medical ninja left.

"Poor Gekkou…" Genma mumbled sadly.

"Tsunade-sama…" Shizune whispered.

And then everyone waited…

And waited…

And waited…

The condition of Tsunade improved…

The condition of Yugao improved…

The condition of Gekkou…

…Did not…

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**Heh... lil cliffhanger type thingy...suspense do you feel it? The air blowing over your back? ...oh wait...I think it was just Gai farting... O.O**


	11. Small World Huh?

**Hmm...remember those two ANBU members? Here's a lil more on them...**

**I don't usually bother writing the disclaimer thingy, coz it's obvious a silly nut like me doesn't own Naruto...sob...

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**

**Small World huh? (Yes you may have noticed, titling has got difficult when restricted to just the words strip and poker...)**

"His condition is critical! Commence Chakra Infusion!" a medical ninja ordered.

The five medical ninjas stood around the still unconscious Gekkou, furiously making hand seals as they sent their chakra into his body.

Shizune ran into the room, "A Chakra Infusion isn't enough…"

The medical ninja all turned to look at her.

"We'll have to do a Life Chakra Infusion."

The medical ninjas frowned.

A regular chakra infusion just used up their energy, but life chakra infusion, it used up their lives.

"His friends have volunteered to do the transfusion, you may leave." Shizune said quickly.

Genma, Kakashi, Wanko, Iruka, Anko, Gai, Kurenai, Asuma, the bear and hippo masked ANBU members then entered the room.

They all stood around Gekkou and made some special hand seals.

"Ready?" Shizune asked. The ninjas nodded, the transfusion began and everyone concentrated.

A white light engulfed Gekkou and he twitched a little as his friends' life energy entered his body.

The transfusion was a risky one, there was only a sixty five percent success rate and if it failed, their life chakra would be just wasted.

The surrounding ninjas slouched over slightly, this transfusion used up immense regular energy too and their eyes were growing heavy, bodies growing weak.

They kept on pouring their energy into Gekkou, up until they each dropped to the ground unconscious.

"Heh…" Genma smirked just before he fell unconscious with everyone else, he could've sworn Gekkou had opened his eyes.

It was Wednesday morning and everybody was pretty much okay.

Everyone had been checked over and discharged; it was only really Gekkou, Yugao and Tsunade that needed to stay.

"Oh Gekkou!" Yugao cried from the bed next to her boyfriend.

"Yeah…" Gekkou mumbled turning to face her.

"You're such an idiot!" Yugao mumbled with tears in her eyes, "You could've been killed…"

Gekkou smiled, "Well…I didn't did I?"

Yugao smiled back, blinking the tears away, "Arigato for saving me…"

"Ssh!" Tsunade hissed, from the bed at on the other side of Yugao, "I'm trying to sleep!"

Yugao crept out of her bed slipped into Gekkou's, they snuggled up and Gekkou dried her tears.

"Gekkou…I love you."

"I love you too."

"Gekkou…you're not coughing anymore…" Yugao noticed, stroking his hair.

"All that life chakra must have cured it…" Gekkou grinned, "…Now I'll be able to kiss you for longer…with no coughs in between."

Yugao smiled, "Let's try it…"

Genma grinned from the window of the ward, "Hmm…looks like Gekkou's all better."

"And Tsunade's fine." Shizune smiled taking Genma's toothpick out so that she could kiss him.

The bear masked ANBU member standing next to Genma blushed under his mask as he watched Yugao through the window, "Um…we better go…"

"Yeah…" The hippo masked ANBU member agreed and they dashed off towards the remains of the Hokage's place.

Iruka, Anko, Kakashi and Wanko were already there.

"Found anything?" Bear mask asked.

"No…" Iruka sighed, "…All there is burnt wood."

"I've found something…" Kakashi mumbled, from where the calendar scoreboard used to be, "look…"

The five other ninjas crowded round as Kakashi lifted a broken pair of glassed from the ground.

"Kabuto…" Hippo masked whispered.

"You carry on searching…I'll deal with Kabuto…" Kakashi said sternly.

"I'm coming too!" Iruka mumbled, but then he looked at his thickly bandaged golf ball sized fingers.

"Don't worry…I'll go!" Wanko said excitedly.

Kakashi frowned and ran up to the rooftops, Wanko hot on his heels.

Anko gathered up the rubble and flung it into a massive pile. It would probably take ages to clear up such a big mess.

Soon Gai showed up too and asked, "Where's my rival?"

Upon hearing that Kakashi had gone to look for Kabuto, he vanished again.

Izumo and Kotetsu arrived a bit later and started helping with the clearing up.

"Hey Izumo! Kotetsu!" Anko said grinning, "Why were you nude when you were being rescued?"

Izumo blushed, and continued clearing the rubble.

Kotetsu cocked his head proudly into the air, "None of your business!"

Iruka was struggling to be of any help, having heavily bandaged fingers meant that he couldn't really use his hands for anything, so instead he kicked the rubble away instead.

Iruka was getting rather annoyed that a heavy plank of wood wasn't moving in the direction he wanted it to, so he gave it an extra mighty kick and sent it soaring through the air.

"Ow!" Hippo mask grumbled, "Watch it asshole!"

Iruka blushed and decide to stop 'helping'. He kissed Anko on the cheek and then went back to the hospital to see if Gekkou was doing okay.

He peered through the ward door's window everyone seemed to be asleep.

Iruka sighed, there was nothing much for him to do right now, and teaching had been cancelled for a week and his injured fingers made him pretty useless.

"Oi! Iruka!" Genma yelled, running up to the startled Iruka and patting him on the back.

"Oh, hi Genma." Iruka said cheering up.

"Hey…guess what?" Genma said his toothpick bobbing up and down madly, "You know those two ANBU members?"

"Yeah…what about them?" Iruka asked, as Genma put his face close to his ear.

"Yugao said that the hippo masked one's a girl and she's related to Kabuto…small world huh?"

"Kabuto?" Iruka frowned, "But Kakashi's looking for Kabuto! We think he started the fire."

"Oh…" Genma mumbled chewing his toothpick, "So why didn't the hippo girl go, she should know where he lives and all that."

"I…dunno…" Iruka ran his fingers through his ponytail and then decided to go back to the debris site.

Hippo mask was still there with bear mask.

"Hey um…" Iruka felt stupid, he hadn't bothered to ask Genma for her name.

"Yeah?" Bear mask replied.

"Um not you…" Iruka pointed at hippo mask.

"Hey, what's happening?" Anko asked, appearing next to Iruka's side.

"I think I've got some clues…" Iruka mumbled as he watched bear masked tap hippo masked on the shoulder.

"Hey Kalita…" bear masked said.

The hippo masked ANBU member stood up and turned to face Iruka, "What?"

"Um…you know where Kabuto might be…why didn't you go with Kakashi to look for him?" Iruka asked as he and Anko walked closer to them.

Kalita cackled creepily and took off her mask. She was definitely a relative of Kabuto's; she had the same silvery white hair, with the exception of two strands by her ears, which were icy blue, and the same dark eyes.

Her hair was really short though, not that different from the style of Bart Simpson's, no wonder most people mistaken her for a guy.

"Huh! Kabuto…that giant piece of shit…" Kalita growled, "I hate that bastard."

Iruka and Anko looked at each other; perhaps Kabuto and Kalita were siblings? After all, they seemed to have a similar style of speaking.

The bear masked ANBU member took off his mask and sighed, "Kalita…"

This ninja had bright green hair; it hung messily all over his face and over his piercing blue eyes.

"Um…" Iruka mumbled, he hadn't really planned what he was going to say to Kabuto's sibling.

"Shut the fuck up!" Kalita yelled at Iruka, though he hadn't even said anything, "I don't ever wanna see my bastard of a brother ever again yeah! That answer your question!"

Anko's eyes narrowed, "Watch your language bitch."

Kalita smirked and the guy ninjas watched in horror, as a catfight was about to begin.

"Kalita…" The green haired guy mumbled, his hand gripping her shoulder.

"Piss off Scythe…if this little woman wants a fight…she'll get one!"

Anko clenched her fist, how dare she call her little? Anko was obviously older than the cocky teen in front of her.

Scythe stood in between the growling women, "Kalita…this woman has done nothing to you, you're only angry at Kabuto…"

THUD

Kalita sunk her fist into Scythe's stomach, and he fell down onto his knees in agony.

"Heh…thanks Scythe…" she smirked, before sliding her hippo mask back on and disappearing through the trees.

"Um…are you okay?" Iruka asked curiously.

Scythe stood up and grinned, "Yeah…She does this kind of stuff all the time, I'm like her stress reliever or something."

Iruka sweat dropped as he eyed many bruises and cuts Scythe revealed when he stretched and exposed part of his stomach.

"What IS her problem!" Anko asked angrily, still staring at the spot where Kalita had vanished.

Scythe slid his mask back on and rested his hands behind his head, "She has a lot of problems…but her main one is Kabuto…"

Iruka and Anko listened quietly as Scythe explained that Kabuto left the family when he was really little to join Orochimaru.

"Kalita didn't mind at first, but then Kabuto became gay with Orochimaru…well…let's just say she hates gay couple's eh?" Scythe mumbled sadly, "She said Kabuto disgraced their family and Kabuto said he didn't care…and that's about it…"

Iruka sweat dropped, "So…she uses you as a punching bag…just because She's hates her brother…for being gay?"

Scythe nodded and then said, "Well I better go find her…who knows what she's doing right now!"

Izumo and Kotetsu couldn't help overhearing and sweat dropped.

"Hey…make sure we never make out in front of that psycho chick, eh?" Kotetsu whispered.

Izumo nodded and watched as Iruka and Anko followed Scythe over the rooftops.

Kotetsu then looked around and grinned, "No ones here…lets make out now."

Izumo smiled and nodded.

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**Has the story been good so far? let me know okie? **

**Um...oh yeah and don't worry I haven't forgotten about the calendar stuff. Pepsi Dragon x**


	12. We Found Kabuto

**Ahh...the next chapter... Gomenasai i took much longer to update this time, been completely loaded with sucky evil college work -sets college work on fire- Mwhahaha!

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We Found Kabuto!

"Hey Kalita!" Scythe called over to the hippo-masked girl, "Kalita! What are you doing?"

Kalita said something that sounded like, "fucktwita" and dashed off again.

Iruka sighed, they'd been following Kalita for half and hour now and he was getting hungry.

"Iruka-baby…Are you hungry too?" Anko asked softly, stopping with Iruka on a pub roof.

"Hmm…yeah kinda…" Iruka mumbled his eye's turning into cute upside down 'U' shapes.

"HEY KALITA!" Scythe screamed, "STOP RUNNING ALREADY, WE FOUND KABUTO!"

Kalita froze and dashed into the pub, Scythe, Iruka and Anko followed.

"Fuck off Kakashi!" Kabuto was yelling.

"So you DID burn down the Hokage's place!" Kakashi growled.

Wanko was sipping some sake, cheerily and she waved at Anko and Iruka.

Kabuto looked weird without his glasses, kind of squinty.

Kalita shot past the surprised Kakashi and grabbed Kabuto by the neck.

"Ack! What the fuck!" Kabuto choked and squinted, "Kalita?"

"Heh…big bro you bastard, how you doing?" Kalita hissed, her grip tightening around his neck.

"Um…what's happening?" Kakashi asked curiously, ordering himself a pint.

Iruka and Anko sat down and ordered themselves some wine, whilst Scythe just stood doing a really 'cool calm guy' pose.

"Sis…ack…you bitch…ack!" Kabuto's face turned blue.

"You still gay?" Kalita asked heatedly.

"I…split…with…ack…Orochi…"

Kalita released her death grip on her brother and gave him a death hug instead.

"Oh thank God!" Kalita squealed sliding her mask up, "Does that mean you won't disgrace our family anymore?"

Kabuto rubbed his neck, "Heh…I didn't say I'd stopped being gay…"

Kalita's hand shot around Kabuto's neck again, "You bastard!" She hissed.

Kakashi walked over to Kalita and grabbed her by the wrist, Kalita glared and Wanko frowned.

"Um…you should let go…or he'll die…" Kakashi said, lifting her hand off Kabuto's neck.

Wanko gasped overdramatically, "K-Kakashi-kun! You're touching another woman!"

"Let go of my hand…or YOU'LL die…" Kalita warned, her vicious eyes staring into Kakashi's lazy one.

"Um…" Kakashi released her hand and shrugged.

"Bitch!" Kabuto croaked gulping his pint.

"Shut up you bastard!" Kalita screamed, pulling out a kunai and aiming it for Kabuto's throat.

"Hey…" Kakashi said calmly, grabbing Kalita's wrist again.

Wanko shrieked, "YOUR TOUCHING HER AGAIN!"

"Dick head…" Kalita growled.

"Arigatou." Kakashi replied.

No one dared to breathe. Kalita was turning maroon in anger and Wanko was ready to pounce on Kalita, should Kakashi not release her wrist in the next five seconds.

"Um…Kalita…" Scythe said, poking her in the shoulder, "…You wanna take it out on me?"

Kalita grinned, "No…I've found someone better as a stress reliever…"

"Stress reliever?" Kakashi smirked, "Like one of those things you squeeze when you get angry?"

Wanko leapt into action, placing herself between Kakashi and Kalita, "Don't you DARE squeeze MY man!"

"Heh…" Kalita grinned devilishly.

"Who said I'm your man!" Kakashi asked, finally releasing Kalita's hand.

"Oh shit…" Scythe mumbled, he knew Kalita wasn't one to back down in a challenge.

Iruka and Anko blinked, what the hell was going on?

Wanko brought out a kunai and thrust it towards Kalita's smirking face. Kalita vanished and Wanko tripped and stabbed Kabuto.

"YAOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Kabuto shrieked as a kunai shot through his pants.

"Oops!" Wanko mumbled, removing her blood-tainted kunai.

Kabuto was rolling around in pain, "EEEYAOWW OW! OW! OW!"

Kakashi blinked, Kalita was in his face, clearly satisfied that Wanko had attacked her brother in such a painful place.

"Um…" Kakashi mumbled. Kalita was really close.

"Your girlfriend dared me to squeeze you…"

"I-Uh…She's NOT my girlfriend." Kakashi mumbled as her face came closer and closer, Kabuto was still moaning in agony as Wanko shoved a ton of tissues onto his bleeding lower region.

"I…" Kakashi felt his mask being pulled down and Kalita stared at him for a moment, a twinkle in her eye.

"Aww man!" Anko grumbled to Iruka, "If Kakashi goes with her, then who the hell gets rid of stupid Wanko!"

Iruka nodded towards Scythe, who was now drinking some sake and watching Kabuto roll around on the floor.

"Heh…yeah, that could work…" Anko whispered, sipping her wine.

"YAOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" This time it was Kakashi that screamed.

"Heh! There, I squeezed you!" Kalita smirked, removing her hand from Kakashi.

Kakashi was hunched over cursing as the pain subsided from his groin.

"Kakashi-kun!" Wanko yelled, wondering why he'd screamed, "Oh my Kakashi-kun!"

Anko grabbed her sister.

"What do you want!" Wanko asked angrily.

"I think you're going for the wrong man." Anko said calmly.

"What? You're giving me Iruka?" Wanko asked as Iruka spat his drink into Scythe's face…well um mask anyway.

Wanko watched as Scythe removed his mask and revealed his oh so gorgeous face.

"Is he free?" Wanko asked curiously.

"I think so." Anko replied.

About five minutes later, Wanko was fawning over a slightly blushing Scythe, Kabuto had stopped rolling around in pain and had passed out and Kakashi was in a bad mood from Kalita having manhandled his privates.

"Hmm…I'll take it from here." Kalita said calmly grabbing her brother after downing a pint and dragging him across the floor.

Scythe shot up and went to Kalita's side.

"Yes…um we'll interrogate him." Scythe mumbled as they both put their masks back on.

"Just try not to kill him." Kakashi grumbled.

Kalita grinned behind her mask and then they vanished through the door.

By now Iruka was starving and the bar tender was grumbling about what a mess the ANBU members had made.

Anko sighed, "Kabuto said he'd split with Orochimaru…that means he'll be after you again…"

Iruka shivered, "Y-You don't really think he-he'd really…"

"Yep. We better keep and eye out for him." Anko replied, drinking her seventh glass of wine.

Anko went to the toilet and Kakashi shuffled closer to Iruka.

"Um…" Kakashi mumbled, tapping the bar top, "…you think that ANBU girl has the hots for me?"

"Hmm…you sure you don't have the hots for HER?"

Kakashi rolled his mask down to sip his drink, "Why would I? She's vicious."

Iruka grinned; Kakashi was staring into his pint dreamily.

Anko, Iruka and Kakashi, were on the way to a restaurant when they saw Tsunade.

"Ah Tsunade, you've been released already?" Kakashi asked, as she walked towards them.

"Yes…well there isn't much point in staying at the hospital is there?" Tsunade grumbled with her hands on her hips, "Besides…Gekkou and Yugao were preventing me from sleeping so I thought I'd come out for a bit."

Anko smiled, "Would you like to join us for dinner?"

Tsunade grinned, "Of course…I need to speak with you Kakashi anyways."

Iruka happily let Anko feed him; he couldn't really use his hands (golf ball fingers…the horror!).

"Kakashi…I've decided to continue the calendar competition." Tsunade said with a mouth full of noodles.

"I see…" Kakashi said.

"WHAT!" Iruka screamed, "…b-but…"

Iruka frowned, he thought that all this chaos with the Hokage's place would have mean that the competition would be cancelled.

Tsunade smiled, "I think that the fire may have been an accident, not intentional."

"How do you know that?" Anko asked, accidentally shoving chopsticks up Iruka's nose.

"Aiii!"

"Oops! Sorry Iruka-baby."

"I ran into Gai on my way here and it seems that Orochimaru was the one who started the fire." Tsunade said folding her arms, "Though the little details haven't been found out yet, Gai is helping the ANBU with questioning…so don't worry too much."

"O-Orochimaru?" Iruka mumbled, "Ew, that freak."

"So it wasn't Kabuto's fault?" Kakashi said.

Tsunade shook her head, "Kabuto may have been involved."

The four ninjas ate their food and then went to see how the interrogations were going.

"You started the fire!" Gai pointed an accusing finger at Orochimaru.

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't."

"Did!"

"NOT!"

"DID!"

"NOT!"

Kakashi sweat dropped.

"Ah! Kakashi my rival!" Gai said happily as Kakashi entered the interrogation chamber.

"Um…I think you should let Iruka interrogate him." Kakashi suggested.

"Why?" Gai asked confused, "Am I not doing it wonderfully already?"

"Yes WHY?" Iruka shrieked, as Tsunade pushed him into the room.

"No! Iruka-baby!" Anko protested from outside the room.

Kakashi and Tsunade left.

Iruka was alone…

…In a room with Orochimaru…

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**Ooh...Iruka-kun you're in trouble (again!) Reveiw if you like it, it might encourage me to burn more of my college work and glue my butt more often to the computer chair lol. Pepsi Dragon x**


	13. Date Me

**A/N Gomenasai for taking years to update!**

**Been soooooo drowned in college work and for the record i can't swim! I've finally updated! Yay! Enjoy!**

**Oh yeah Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Duh! **

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Date Me**

"Aah…Iruka-kun…" Orochimaru whispered eerily, "…heh, heh, you've come for a visit?…"

"Um…no." Iruka said awkwardly walking in front of Orochimaru.

The room was rather small and had no windows, since the building was underground.

Orochimaru was slumped over in his chair, he was hand cuffed, but that didn't make Iruka feel any safer.

"Um…did you start the fire?" Iruka asked uneasily as Orochimaru licked his lips and looked up.

"No."

"Um…but Gai said…"

"Heh…that caveman…he doesn't know shit."

Iruka scratched his head, or so he tried, with his big-bandaged fingers, "Do you know anything about the fire?"

"Yes."

"Um…what?"

"I'll tell you…"

"Yes?"

Orochimaru stood up and startled Iruka, "I'll tell you if…"

"Wh-what?" Iruka mumbled backing up against the wall as Orochimaru walked closer.

"…date me…"

Iruka blinked, "D-Date you!"

"Either that…or I could just go right ahead and fuck you…"

Iruka nearly fainted, but then something happened.

Anko burst through the door and smacked Orochimaru over the head with his chair.

"Iruka-baby, I heard everything! You poor baby…" Anko cooed, hugging Iruka.

"Go on the date." Tsunade ordered.

"WHAT!" Anko and Iruka screamed at the same time.

"Go on the date!"

"B-But…" Iruka babbled like an idiot, he couldn't find any other words, "B-But!"

"Tsunade!" Anko growled, "You said Iruka-baby only had to question him! Now he has to date him! Can't you just torture him for answers?"

Tsunade coughed, "Kalita has been torturing Kabuto for hours and he's still said nothing…I think the date is a nice idea…it'll get answers won't it?"

"Ooh yes! Yes!" Orochimaru said gleefully.

"Okay…Iruka you'll date Orochimaru and he'll give you some answers…Gai will follow you on your date just in case…and Anko, Kakashi…you will interrogate Kabuto…after he regains consciousness…" Tsunade ordered, before turning on her heel and leaving.

"B-But…"Iruka mumbled, as Gai came in and took Orochimaru and him out of the room.

Anko was snarling.

"Um…" Kakashi mumbled, "Shouldn't we go see Kabuto now?"

"FINE!" Anko roared stomping out of the room, Kakashi keeping a safe distance followed.

Kabuto was slumped against a wall, with Kalita standing over him. Scythe was in the room too, sweat dropping as Kalita screamed, "Talk! Talk! TALK!"

Kabuto rolled onto the floor and grunted, "I'm never speaking to you ever again…you made that woman break my dick with a kunai!"

"Heh! You deserved that you disgrace to the family!" Kalita yelled kicking Kabuto in the head.

Kakashi bumped into Anko as they entered the room.

"Oh…my…God…" Anko said, frozen in the doorway.

"What?" Kakashi asked, as he slid past her and into the room.

"S-She killed him!"

"Oh shit!" Kakashi said dashing over to Kalita and pulling her back.

"Oi! Bastard! Let go!" Kalita shrieked, she was quite enjoying beating her brother to pulp.

Kakashi turned her around to face him.

"Oh it's you…dick head." Kalita hissed.

"Arigato." Kakashi said breathlessly, staring at Kalita, who without her mask was showing her beautifully furious face.

"Grr…" Kalita turned psycho and kneed Kakashi in the privates.

"Oompf!" Kakashi grumbled, releasing Kalita and dropping to his knees.

"Kakashi? Are you okay?" Anko asked worriedly and then turning to Kalita, "What the HELL is WRONG with you!"

"Heh! Never interrupt an ANBU in the middle of work!" Kalita snarled, putting her mask on and leaving the room.

"Um…sorry." Scythe mumbled, putting his mask on and quickly following Kalita.

"Damn it that's smarts!" Kakashi said, standing up.

Anko walked over to Kabuto's limp body and nervously poked it.

"Ow…" Kabuto groaned, his face in the shadows, turned away from her.

"Um…are you okay?" Anko said kindly.

"What does it look like bitch!" Kabuto grumbled.

"Why you!" Anko yelled, smacking Kabuto in the head.

"Um… let me take care of this…" Kakashi said helpfully leaning Kabuto in a sitting position against the wall.

Anko screamed and ran out of the room, Kabuto's face was a bloody mess and one cheek was severely swollen.

"Whoa!" Kakashi said surveying the 'torture' Kabuto had just endured from his sister.

"Heh…you think I'm gonna talk?" Kabuto said cockily.

"Well…if you don't…I might have to bring Kalita back."

"Heh…I don't give a shit…life's not worth living anymore." Kabuto said trying to smirk, but the pain made him whimper instead.

"Look…if you tell me your problem…I'll personally help you."

Kabuto eyes watered and tears mixed with the blood, "Fuck you…I don't want your help…"

Kabuto passed out and Kakashi sighed.

Kakashi left Kabuto and his heart stopped as he realised someone was coming towards him.

"A-Ayame?"

Ayame walked straight past Kakashi and into the room where Kabuto was lying half-dead.

"A-Ayame…"

Anko patted Kakashi on the shoulder sympathetically, "Forget about her Kakashi…"

"But why's she here?" Kakashi asked sadly, for a second then, he'd thought Ayame had come to make up with him.

"She's a medic ninja now." Tsunade said from behind Kakashi, "She's sick of just serving ramen you see."

"Oh." Kakashi said even more sadly and then turned to stare at the doorway in which Ayame had just vanished through.

Meanwhile, Iruka was in hell on his 'date'…at the park.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Iruka screamed, as Orochimaru leaned over in a crude attempt to kiss him again.

"Stop your actions!" Gai yelled, standing in between Iruka and Orochimaru.

Orochimaru grimaced at Gai and then he backed away grumpily.

"This date isn't any fun…" Orochimaru whined, "Push me!"

Orochimaru jiggled the swing furiously and Iruka sweat dropped, he was no more than a crazy perverted child.

"I will assist!" Gai said proudly grabbing Iruka and Orochimaru's swing.

"No w-wait!" Iruka mumbled as Gai thrust their swings forward.

"Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!" screamed Orochimaru as the swings shot forwards and ejected him and Iruka twelve feet into the air.

"No-no-NO!" Iruka landed SMACK face first into the ground and Orochimaru back flipped in the air and landed next to him.

"Oops." Gai mumbled, as the swings jerked violently on its frame.

"Oh Iruka-kun!" Orochimaru squealed, throwing himself onto Iruka, "Oh you poor dear!"

Iruka struggled under the snake man's weight and squirmed desperately as his slimy tongue edged out of his mouth and towards Iruka's face.

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" Iruka screamed again.

"Cease and Desist!" Gai bellowed grabbing Orochimaru and flinging him into a brick wall.

Iruka sat up, "We're never gonna get him to talk."

"Hm…" Gai ran his fingers through his giant round hair, "…perhaps there is another way?"

When Orochimaru came to and peeled himself angrily off the wall, he turned around and shrieked.

"HOLY SHIT!" He screamed, "HOLY! HOLY SHIT! OH! MY! GAWD!"

Gai frowned and said in a squeaky voice, "What? Orochimaru-kun…don't you want to date me?"

Orochimaru closed his eyes, "I don't even want to LOOK at you!"

Iruka chuckled from behind Gai.

Gai had dressed himself up in a huge green frock and a flowery straw hat. He'd even applied a thick layer of Barbie doll style make-up too.

"Oh Oro-sama!" Gai squealed in a so-called girly voice, "Oro-sama! Date me! Date me! I'm much more sexier then Iruka-kun!"

Orochimaru turned around and threw up all over the floor, when he'd finally stopped gagging, he grumbled, "I'll talk if you change back to a man…"

Gai did his nice guy pose and said, "Success!" However, considering he was in a dress with ten tons of make-up, all this action did was permanently scar Iruka and Orochimaru's minds.

When Gai had finally made himself descent again, he, Iruka and Orochimaru, went to a pub to discuss the fire.

"Well…" Orochimaru said glumly, "I WANTED to set fire to the calendar competition board…'cause I was in last place…"

"Aha! So it WAS you!" Gai screamed.

"No! It was Kabuto!" Orochimaru grumbled.

Iruka scratched his head, "Kabuto, why?"

"Well…I was pissed off that I was last place in the competition and so I wanted to set fire to it…but Kabuto told me not to…damn him! He was in tenth place!" Orochimaru drank all his sake in one huge gulp.

Orochimaru continued speaking, "So…we had a fight and I knocked his glasses off…I told him that I was breaking up with him…"

"YOU broke up with him this time!" Iruka asked curiously.

"Yes…and Kabuto wasn't happy, he tried to kill me! He said that needed me and if I left him he would make me his enemy…or some shit like that…" Orochimaru mumbled thoughtfully, "…anyway…Kabuto tried to attack me with his weird jutsus, but instead he ended up burning down the whole Hokage's place…what a blind little shit, thank gawd I broke up with him!"

Iruka sighed; Orochimaru and Kabuto were such weirdoes!

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**Please leave a reveiw and just in case i can't update as soon as i'd like to, please feel free to wander round my account's other fanfics! Bye! Pepsi Dragon x**

**Ps. Arigatou lots and lots for all those great people who reveiwed before!**


	14. Man Stuff

**Chp 14 - Man Stuff**

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A/N: I'm back... heheheheh...**

Disclaimer: I don't own it, it's as simple as shit.

Here it goes...

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"YOU BURNT DOWN MY BUILDING 'CAUSE HE BROKE UP WITH YOU!" Tsunade screamed furiously.

Kabuto looked depressed, Orochimaru shoved his fingers into his ears and everyone else sweat dropped.

Gai and Iruka had returned with Orochimaru and the 'answers' they were supposed to get and Tsunade was not pleased.

"Um…Tsunade…" Anko said quietly, "Perhaps you should just let it go…after all…it was an accident and no one was killed."

"I WILL FRIGGIN KICK YOUR ASSES!" Tsunade screeched, cracking some of the windows in her new temporary office.

"Um…you weren't this angry before…why should you be now?" Kakashi asked shaking his head, as his ears were ringing.

"Heh…I wasn't one hundred percent sure it was Kabuto and Orochimaru's fault before…but now they've admitted it I CAN SHOW THE WRATH OF MY ANGER!"

Iruka, Anko, Kakashi and Gai ran out of the room.

BOOM!

Kabuto flew out of the room with his arms twisted under his legs and Orochimaru was flung out with his tongue strangling himself.

Tsunade came out dusting off her hands and said, "For now…I'll let you off with ten thousand hours of community service!" and then she went back in her temporary office and slammed the door.

"Um…that looks painful…" Kakashi said bringing out his 'Icha Icha Paradise' and vanishing through a window.

Iruka and Anko looked ruefully at Kabuto and Orochimaru, whilst Gai struck another weird pose and bellowed, "Punishment Prevails!" and vanished.

"Um…are you okay?" Anko whispered.

"Ow…" Kabuto grumbled, as he tried to move his arms, but then there was a freakish cracking noise and Kabuto was frozen in agony, "YAOW!"

"Oh my!" Ayame said, running over to Kabuto, "You're hurt AGAIN!"

Orochimaru smirked and tried to speak, even though his tongue was strangling him, "Hwa! Hwa! Choo deswerve thwat!"

Anko watched curiously as Ayame gently grabbed Kabuto's arms and twisted them back into a normal position.

"There you go…Kabuto-kun!" She said happily, as Kabuto smiled and swung his arms around.

"Still kind of aches…" Kabuto muttered.

"Whad abowd mwee?" Orochimaru mumbled sadly.

"Um…sorry, I don't do tongues!" Ayame said quickly and then she turned to Kabuto, "If you come to my clinic…I can give you a massage for those aching shoulders…"

Ayame and Kabuto went away and left Orochimaru, wrestling angrily with his own tongue.

"Dwan it…stupeed freckin unhepful pweeple!" Orochimaru muttered.

"Um…Did you see that?" Anko said worriedly.

"Yeah…Orochimaru's tongue is killing himself!" Iruka chuckled.

"No!" Anko turned to Iruka and whispered, "Ayame likes Kabuto…if Kakashi finds out…he'll be heart broken!"

Iruka sighed, "But they broke up…he should be over it by now and besides…Kakashi likes that Kalita…"

"Looks can be deceiving! He's still hurting inside…you should have seen the sad way he looked at Ayame earlier!"

Iruka and Anko left the Hokage's temporary building (it was just an old bunch of office flats) and went back to Iruka's place so that Anko could cook him a nice romantic supper and feed it to him since his fingers were still indisposed of.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Iruka opened the door.

"Um…Hi!"

"Yo! Iruka!"

"Iruka."

"Iruka-kun!"

Gai, Kakashi, Gekkou and Genma came bursting through the door.

"Um…Hi…" Iruka mumbled as everyone crowded into his living room.

"Iruka-baby! Supper is…" Anko frowned, "What are YOU ALL doing here!"

"Oops! We did not know your woman would be here!" Gai said plonking himself into an armchair awkwardly.

"You don't mind do you?" Genma asked grumpily plonking himself in the other armchair.

Gekkou sat on the floor and Kakashi went and patted Iruka on the back.

"Um…Iruka…we really need to talk to you in private…" Kakashi whispered.

"W-Why?" Iruka replied, as Anko frowned harder and stomped back into the kitchen.

"It's to do with some um… 'Man stuff'."

"Man stuff?" Iruka raised an eyebrow, "Can't you just tell me then?"

"Not until Anko's gone." Kakashi shrugged, "Her ears are too sensitive for this sort of thing."

Iruka shuffled into the kitchen, "Um…Anko-sama…arigato for making me supper…"

Anko smiled, "No problem…enjoy it…"

"Um…gomen…but maybe you should go home?"

Anko's mouth twitched, "Why?"

"I dunno…the guys wanna tell me something…but they said it's too sensitive for your ears…um."

"Sensitive?" Anko smirked" I'll show THEM sensitive!"

Iruka gulped, Anko had prepared what looked like a romantic dinner…um…supper for two and now the gatecrashers in his living room were going to get kick assed.

"GET OUT!" Anko shrieked, "You're ruining out romantic night!"

The guys froze.

Gai stood up, "We're terribly sorry, I'll go now…"

Kakashi stepped in front of Gai, "No, we need to tell Iruka important guy things remember!"

"Oh yeah…" Gai mumbled.

"Well hurry up and just tell him!" Anko demanded.

"Um…um…You SURE you wish to know Anko?" Gai said nervously.

"FOR PETES SAKE! SAY IT!" Anko screamed.

"Um…Iruka…" Kakashi said sadly, "You…um…"

"You have to go out with Orochimaru!" Genma screamed exasperatedly.

"WHAAAAAAT!" Anko shrieked grabbed Gai by the collar of his clothes (he was the nearest…poor Gai…).

Anko shook Gai backwards and forwards, "Why the hell! WHAT the hell!"

"Um…please…Anko…get…a…grip…" Gai said in between each jerk, he seemed unusually…um…jiggly.

"Have you gained weight!" Anko asked, poking Gai in the gut.

Gekkou sighed, "Anko, Iruka…you have to help us…"

Genma was seriously agitated, "Iruka's GOT TO go out with that bastard, or Orochimaru will never take these away!"

"What away?" Iruka asked curiously.

"THESE!" Gai sobbed, opening his jacket and pulling down his jump suit.

"Oh…my…God…" Anko muttered, before going woozy and passing out on the floor.

Iruka stared and said, "…"

"Well…are you gonna help us…Iruka-kun?" Kakashi asked softly.

Iruka's eyes were frozen wide open and his jaw dropped open. Gai's chest just wasn't normal, they seemed rather filled out and at least a size D.

Iruka broke into hysteria, "Haha you HAHAHA got HAHA HUGE HAHA TITZ!"

Gai frowned and put his clothes back on.

"Oi! Iruka! SHUT UP!" Genma snarled, a vein pulsing on his forehead.

"I-I haha CAN'T!"

Kakashi's one visible eye blinked, "Iruka…it's 'big booby no jutsu'…"

"HAHAHA! BIG HAHA BOOBY HAHAHA! NO JUTSU!"

The guy's sweat dropped, except for Kakashi, who was watching Iruka intently.

"Why did you say that?" Genma said through gritted teeth, "It only made him laugh HARDER!"

"Ssh…watch…" Kakashi said calmly as Iruka turned red in the face.

And sure enough, about ten seconds later, Iruka stopped laughing and was gasping for breath instead.

"Ha…Oh my God…You have tits!" Iruka said, drawing in a large breath.

"Right…now…" Kakashi marched up to Iruka who was slouched in an armchair, "…you date Orochimaru…or he won't remove this jutsu."

"You ALL have tits!" Iruka asked curiously, and then joked, "Can I see them?"

Genma's vein exploded and he ran over and tried to smother Iruka in his own cushions.

"Now, now, Genma…that ain't gonna make Iruka help us is it?" Gekkou said, frowning.

Genma went and pouted in the other armchair and Gai dropped onto his knees with tears in his eyes.

"Iruka-kun…please…the beautiful Gai sensei isn't meant to have boobs!" Gai mumbled.

Iruka sighed, "Okay, I'll date Orochimaru…"

Gai sensei jumped up and down and his chest wobbled, Kakashi gagged, Gekkou turned green and Iruka turned away blushing.

"GAI GET A BRA!" Genma yelled.

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**Yeah so...I dunno...what was that all about hmm? No flames...just lurrrrve...burp I mean reveiws yeah...**

**xX Pepsi Dragon Xx**


	15. Booby TrapParty!

**Booby Trap…Party?**

**Disclaimer: I no own this…I never own this…waaah… lolz**

**Thanks for the reviews!**

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Kakashi groaned, having boobs was a humungous and troublesome thing. Every move he made and they would jiggle most disturbingly and yet he would not wear a bra…it would seem wrong for the copy nin to have to wear one anyway…it would make him feel like a cross dresser or something.

Gai sensei on the other hand had found the tightest bra he could fit across his newly born chest and strapped it in so taut he could barely breathe. During training he found he couldn't concentrate as much as he normally could and he feared someone, especially his treasured student Lee, just might notice.

Gekkou took the day off work and hung out with Genma who also took the day off. Together they sat disgruntled playing snap with Gekkou's infamous cards.

"Fuck this." Genma growled tossing all his cards into Gekkou's lap, "If I don't get rid of this jutsu soon…I'll be forced to get a hack saw out to remove em."

Gekkou stacked his cards and put them away, "Don't worry…Iruka's working on it. I'm sure."

A short distance away Orochimaru sat under a tree with Iruka snuggled under his arm…well in actual fact he was in a headlock, but why bother with the pitiful details?

"O-Orochimaru!" Iruka wailed, "P-Please take that jutsu off my friends."

Oro-kun smiled and licked Iruka's face, "When I feel like it…I will."

In a nearby tree Anko felt sweat bead on her skin as she used all her willpower to restrain herself from rushing over and throttling the legendary sannin.

"Please." Iruka mumbled as Orochimaru nuzzled his face into his brown hair.

Orochimaru frowned, "Iruka baby. You don't seem to be enjoying our day out…and until you fully appreciate what a grand lover I am…I'm not doing anything."

Iruka turned pale and he sat limp in the snake man's arms. Anko twitched turned away furiously as Kakashi gently poofed beside her.

"Yo. How's it all going?" Kakashi said sweat dropping as he felt his twin jellies sway behind his clothes.

Anko muttered several swears and then she added angrily, "I'm going to make him cancel the jutsu by force."

Kakashi shrugged, "If it gets the job done."

Anko dashed down to the couple and kicked Orochimaru in the face as his tongue was starting to bind around Iruka's poor neck. Iruka gagged and leant back against the tree trunk with relief. Orochimaru lurched sideways and then turned to glare furiously at Anko.

"You bitch!" He hissed, "The deal was I get to spend time with Iruka!"

"Deal's off." Anko roared seizing Orochimaru by his hair and yanking him up.

"Owee." He groaned stroking his luxurious locks in irritation, "No Iruka, no anti-jutsu."

"Now look here." Anko snarled he fingers interlocking into numerous seals, "If you don't you'll regret it."

Orochimaru sneered, "Oh, I'm like soooo scared of you little missy."

Anko released some blue chakra that shaped like a snake out of each palm. The chakra serpents wound themselves around Orochimaru's legs and then sent an violent electric shock through him. Orochimaru surprised by her strength fell forwards and flinched.

"Heh…I call it Electric Eel no jutsu." Anko muttered as she grabbed the sannin and gave him a death glare, "Now tell me the anti-jutsu or I'll send those eels into your pants."

A small flicker of fear crossed Orochimaru's eyes, "Tch."

Kakashi had his Icha book out and he sighed, "Just give it already, the Konoha Nude calendar photo shoots are coming up you know."

Orochimaru winced in painful memory at his loss of _his_ dear Kabuto and he began to cry, "Just kill me."

"What!" Iruka said leaning over.

"Just kill me."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, he could see Anko wouldn't hesitate one bit to kill him. Iruka touched her shoulder worriedly and she turned briefly to him.

"Um, Anko sama." He said lightly, "You can't kill him, or we'll never know the anti-jutsu."

"Yeah…I'll have these freakin' boobs forever." Kakashi grumbled.

Anko frowned and felt like hitting her head on the tree, but thought the better of it. She then got down on her knees and bowed low to Orochimaru and the three men looked on in awe and confusion.

"Orochimaru-kun." She muttered bitter sweetly, "I'm begging you. Just take the jutsus off them."

Oro-kun laughed in disbelief, "Well, well, well…"

Anko shot a look at Iruka and Kakashi. Iruka thought about it and then quickly also bowed down and grovelled up to the sannin. Kakashi shrugged and just continued reading Icha instead.

Orochimaru sighed, enjoying this attention and treatment, "Fine…I'll make a deal with you. I'll take the jutsus off tomorrow…if…"

Kakashi looked away from his book and Anko and Iruka looked up waiting.

"If…tonight you invite everyone over to my place and we play fun party games!" Oro chuckled excitedly.

"What kind of party games?" Iruka asked suspiciously.

"Like, karaoke…pin the tail on the donkey…spin the bottle…musical chairs…" Oro-kun began listing with a flourish.

Anko thought about it and then she gave him a steely glare, "If the jutsu is not gone by tonight I will fry your balls with my Electric Eels no jutsu…and no funny stuff."

They nodded on it and the gang dispersed to their separate ways. Oro-kun off to plan his party and prepare his lair, Kakashi off to spread the good news to the other big booby no jutsu sufferers and Anko and Iruka off to a restaurant to eat.

"Tonight you are to keep at least two metres away from that freak at all times." Anko demanded as they say down.

Iruka nodded, "Even further if possible.

"If he asks to play any risky games such as spin the bottle, you are to ask for the toilet and stay there until the game is over."

Iruka nodded a little more slowly this time, "Uh…I guess so."

"And also…you are not allowed on a any condition to speak tonight, you'll fake the flu, it might keep you safer that way."

Iruka nodded again, a little confused, but then they ordered their food, ate and left for Iruka's place. They kissed, huggled and some other things and then a couple of hours later they made their way to Orochimaru's underground lair, recently relocated to the edge of Konoha in the middle of the forest.

When they were about to leave the Konoha gates, they stumbled upon a very distressed Izumo. He was sat on the floor, his clothes dirty and his hair ruffled in the wrong direction.

"Izumo." Anko gasped, "Are you alright?"

"No." Izumo panted, "Someone stole the list of Konoha Nude Calendar Competition winners."

"What?" Iruka said in surprise, "Why would they want that?"

Izumo sighed, "They probably want to change the scores, make some people lose…other people win."

"Someone's trying to fix the competition! Those cheating bastards!" Anko growled.

"It took us a few days to count the votes…and Tsunade already burnt them up, so we really need the list back." Izumo muttered.

"Where's Kotetsu?"

Izumo shook his head, "He went after the guy who stole the list…into the forest."

"Let's go." Anko said rushing into the trees and Iruka followed thinking maybe it would be kind of good if the person who stole the list would just burn it so that he wouldn't have to be in the stupid calendar.

A little distance ahead, they hear loud J pop start blaring out of Orochimaru's lair. Apparently the party had begun.

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**ARRRGH! I think I have freakin RSI! OWEEEEEEE!**

**Will have to take a break and have a…not a kit Kat…maybe an ice cream…mmmm…**

**Review if you like ice cream too!...or just to review this fic lolz.**

**Ja Ne, Pepsi Dragon x**

**ps. DAMN the margin thingy on this website for not working when i want it to!**


	16. Lost Scroll

**Lost Scroll, WTF Happened To The Calendar Thing?!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own, therefore I do not profit.**

**A/N: I'm vewy sowee for takin literally ages to update, I promise I will be better behaved as a writer and do less uni work and more FF stuff in the future…

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Wind rushed at the running ninja and Kotetsu caught up from behind and flung several pointy weapons.

"Hand over that scroll!" Kotetsu demanded irritably.

"Hn." Was the reply, followed by an onslaught of kunai.

Kotetsu threw himself at the figure, Tsunade would be well pissed off if he let this random ninja steal the results to the Konoha Nude Calendar contest that she'd spent all night counting.

"Hand over the freaking scroll!" Kotetsu growled, pushing himself ahead and spinning around to face the stray ninja dressed completely in black, whom skidded to a halt.

"You little gay ninja." The feminine and somewhat familiar voice hissed, "I wasn't gonna waste my time kicking your ass, but now you're pushing it."

"Now you look here!" Kotetsu defended, "I might be gay, but I'm not LITTLE!"

Before Kotetsu could get another word in however, the angry ninja had swung her leg across his face knocking him backwards and pained into a bush. He heard her laugh and then rush off.

"Kotetsu!" He heard Iruka's approaching.

"I'm here!" He grumbled, crawling out of the bush, "The ninja, she's gone that way."

Anko frowned, "It's a She? What woman in her right mind would want to mess up this competition?"

"…" Iruka didn't say anything; after all he hadn't really wanted to be a part of this competition in the first place.

"Well anyway, we better get the scroll back." Anko snapped, dashing off.

Iruka sighed and followed, leaving Kotetsu happily resting under the trees. A fraction of a moment later however Kakashi showed up.

"Hey…" Kotetsu began.

"Yo." Kakashi said before disappearing after everyone else, looking a little shifty with a hand over his chest.

Kotetsu had a confused look plastered across his face when Gai showed up too, seconds after Kakashi, muttering "Where is the fiend?"

As Gai ran past, Kotetsu was sure Gai was clutching at his chest too and there was a strangely feminine bump there.

O.O Kotetsu blinked and Gai was gone.

"Hand over the scroll!" Anko demanded angrily.

The ninja in front sighed and stopped in her tracks. Anko and Iruka froze about five metres away and watched the mysterious ninja very carefully.

"Look. I'm only taking the scroll for the good of mankind." She growled, "You're not having it back."

"If you don't hand it over, I'll just have to kick your ass then!" Anko snorted and rushed forwards, hand seals forming quickly.

"Oh for freaking hells sake!" The other woman snarled, before brining out a long katana from her back.

Iruka just stood there frowning at the sight of a battle for a pitiful scroll. He pondered over the mysterious ninjas voice, he'd definitely heard it somewhere, but couldn't remember who it might be.

Poof, a snake shot out of Anko's palm and dived at the other ninja, but she hacked them in half. Poof, more snakes flung themselves at the ninja, but yet again she made sushi out of them.

"You're not the average ninja, eh?" Anko laughed.

"Duh, bitch."

Anko felt a vein surface angrily on her forehead and she sent a snake up the other ninjas pants. Success! The mysterious ninja dropped her guard and struggled to retrieve the snake, then Anko rushed forwards and aimed a punch at her masked face.

"Too slow!" The woman laughed flinging Anko's snake back at her.

Iruka had now sat down under a tree trunk, close to hitting his head on the tree, the fact that the voice was so familiar and yet he couldn't remember.

"The scroll!" Kakashi stated as he rushed onto the scene.

"Yes my cool rival! Th scr-"

Gai somehow lost balance and tumbled into Kakashi who in turn tripped over Iruka and all three lay sprawled unbecomingly on the grass.

"Ow!" Iruka muttered as Kakashi's womanly appendage whacked him in the face.

"Sorry."

"Ah. Bothersome breasts!" Gai mumbled embarrassedly, "They made me lose balance!"

"ARGGGGH!" Anko yelped as caught in the moment of distraction, the other ninja had ran into her and knocked her back and onto the pile of other ninja.

Upon noticing the fact that the mysterious thieving ninja was getting away, Kakashi was the quickest and poofed his way beside her, before putting out a foot that she tripped over.

"Ah!" She cried in surprise, feeling stupid that she could have fallen for such a stupid thing.

But before the ninja fell to the ground, Kakashi caught her in his arms. Everyone had question marks hovering around their faces.

"You should have let her fall!" Anko sighed.

"Ah! Clever Kakashi, my cool rival, you are a true gentleman!" Gai congratulated.

"Get off me!" Iruka gasped. (Gai's boobs were still touching Iruka's face.)

"Kalita?" Kakashi whispered, his hand reaching to pull of the black mask that covered her face and short silver hair.

"The fuck?" She snarled as the mask came off and her sweat covered angry face came into view.

"Kalita? From the ANBU?!?!" Anko and Gai sweatdropped greatly, whilst Iruka continued to struggle.

"Why did you steal the scroll?" Kakashi asked softly, as the ANBU member straightened up with a smirk plastered across her face.

"How did you know it was me dumbass? I put a jutsu on myself so that even if I talked, no one would recognise me, I covered up my hair and my face…" Kalita snorted, hand on the scroll in her pocket, making sure Kakashi couldn't take it from her.

Kakashi pulled Kalita towards him and pressed his lips against hers. Iruka, Anko and Gai now sat under the tree watched. And Gai shouted something about how love was absolutely beautiful.

"I didn't hear you're voice and I couldn't see your face…but I could smell your hot perfume." Kakashi replied with a grin.

Kalita realised Kakashi had his hand on the scroll and with a malicious grin she kicked him in the nuts.

"Oh…not cool my rival." Gai winced.

"Oh for Pete's sake!" Anko growled and snatched the scroll off her.

Kalita snatched it back and they endured a short tug-o-war in which swears and insults about each others butts and how fat they were.

"No!" Iruka cried in an attempt to stop the fighting, though it mostly failed "Anko's butt is the most beautiful butt in the world!"

"Damn you!" Anko screeched as Kalita shoved her over and they engaged in a wrestling match of feminine doom.

"Bitch!" Kalita growled.

"Whore!"

"Slag!"

"Fat Whore!"

"Fat Slag!"

"ANBU Stink!"

"Iruka's ugly!"

"Iruka?" Anko slapped Kalita, "Don't you dare bring my Iruka darling into this!"

"Er hem." Kakashi coughed from beside them, having recovered from the assault on his privates, he held the open scroll in his hand.

"What?!" Anko and Kalita snapped in unision.

Iruka and Gai stood up for a closer look, only to realise that the scroll was completely blank.

"WHAT?!" Everyone apart from Kakashi screamed.

"Um…yeah, we've been after a blank scroll all along." Kakashi muttered, sticking a finger in his ear and rubbing it about in fear that he'd gone deaf.

Kalita sweatdropped, "I must have taken the wrong scroll…"

In the distance they all heard J-Pop blaring, and they remembered Orochimaru's party, Anko grabbed Iruka irritably and lead them towards his supposedly secret lair and Gai upon seeing Kakashi and Kalita caught in what he would call romantic moment, followed.

"So why did you steal the scroll in the first place?" Kakashi asked softly.

"Because I didn't fucking want you in it, okay?"

"What?" Kakashi laughed, "Am I really that ugly to you?"

"Idiot." Kalita snarled, "I don't want the rest of Konoha to see you're naked body."

"Hmmm?"

"Truth is bastard." Kalita smirked, bringing her face close to Kakashi's, "I want you all to myself…"

And thus she shoved him behind a tree and they did something…something which involved Kalita pulling out a kunai and ridding Kakashi of all his clothes in one action…only to be faced with a pair of boobs.

"OH MY GOD!!!" She screamed in disgust.

"Oh yeah…" Kakashi sighed depressively, "Oh yeah I forgot about those…"

"Grrr…"

Meanwhile at the party Orochimaru was sulking because no one had arrived yet. He stared longingly at the massive cake he had placed in the centre of the room and a tear slid from his reptilian eye.

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**TBC**

**I dunno what happened here…ah…gomenasai, it sorta sucked.**

**Hands out freshly baked chocolate chip cookies Take this if you like this ficcie, or if you just want the damn virtual cookie, but either way pleez leave a review of your thoughts. Ta.**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


	17. Oro Kun Fun!

**Oro-Kun Fun!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or make profit from this.**

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"What…the fucking hell are those?!" Kalita yelled as she sat atop of Kakashi with his shirt torn off. 

Kakashi winced at the sight of his own jutsu inherited boobs, "Well…you see…"

Kalita brought her kunai close to his feminine bumps and he shoved her away alarmed, "Hey!"

The ANBU woman reared forwards, "You freaky little fuck! Did you used to be a woman?!"

Kakashi dove out of the way, "No! Orochimaru cast a jutsu on me!"

She stopped and pondered curiously, "I see…"

"Oh!" Orochimaru brightened up as his guests began to appear.

"Give me the anti-jutsu please." Iruka asked sheepishly as the sannin beamed at him.

Anko snarled as Orochimaru shook his head and moved close to Iruka, "You stay and enjoy the entire party…then I give the anti-big booby no jutsu!"

Iruka frowned, "…"

Gai entered the lair boogieing to the j-pop that blared out from the walls and every onlooker cringed with embarrassment.

"Ofuu!" Gai shouted, youthfully gyrating his hips, "Let us get down with it!"

"Orochimaru…" Anko warned, "If you try anything funny today…anything at all…you will die."

Oro-kun laughed, "Silly girl, I just wanna have some fun!"

And with that he made some hand seals and a pit opened up below them. Dancing diva Gai, Iruka and Anko plummeted to the pits of…Orochimaru's in built swimming pool!

SPLASH!

"Ah!" Iruka cried as he hit the water.

Orochimaru dive bombed after them, pirouetting gracefully, "Let's play water tag!"

Gai nodded with creepy enthusiasm, "Oh youthful games!"

"I'll be it." Orochimaru stated and then swam like a shark towards Iruka.

Iruka shot under water and wriggled up behind Anko and Orochimaru hissed, "Hey…no fair."

"You're games suck." Anko snapped, "We should be playing real games…like duck and die."

"Duck…what?" Iruka asked sheepishly.

Anko sneered all knowingly, "A game me and my foolish sister Wanko used to play. The person who's it closes their eyes and says… _Duck and Dive, Live or Die_…then he or she opens her eyes and everyone will have dived way deep. The person who's it isn't allowed to dive, but will wait until someone comes up for air and if they can tag them before they dive again, they are kicked out of the pool."

Gai sensei scratched his head, "Oh!"

The other three turned to him.

"Breasts are great floatation devices!"

They all sweat dropped and rapidly turned away.

"Anyway…" Iruka muttered, "Your game sounds dangerous…"

"It's genius!" Orochimaru laughed, "I'm IT!! Duck and Dive…"

Gai shot under the water like a dolphin and Anko pulled Iruka in before he could protest or draw a deep breath.

"Live or Die!" Orochimaru shouted as he opened his eyes.

Ripples danced around him and because the pool was lit with dim blue lights he couldn't see where anyone had gone. He swam around giddily, waiting for someone to pop up.

Under the surface Iruka sulked, little bubbles already beginning to escape from his nostrils. Anko shot him a warning look as Gai sat cross-legged on the pool floor.

"Where are you..?" Oro-kun taunted kicking about in the water.

A few minutes passed and Iruka was pinching his nose and his face was about to explode. He kicked and shot to the surface, gasping loudly.

Orochimaru spun around and leapt at him, but Iruka had already dived back down.

"Aw, this sucks!" Oro wailed, "I don't wanna play anymore!"

Anko shot up from across the pool and Orochimaru shot across the water, but yet again a fraction too slow. Very quickly the snake sannin grew bored and dived under the water himself.

"Oi! Dumbass!" Anko burbled.

Iruka yelped as Orochimaru pushed him deeper and knocked his held breath out of him. Upon reaction the dolphin gasped and sucked in a lungful of air, choking and dizzy he fell limp.

Orochimaru shook his Iruka doll, sweatdropping as he realised Anko was looming behind him.

"YOU KILLED HIM!" Anko yelled as she yanked her unconscious boyfriend out of the water.

Orochimaru made a cutesy face, though it was in fact not very cute at all, "Gomenasai…I was only playing…It was an accident Anko-Chan…"

"Shit!" Anko said anxiously, "My baby! He's not breathing!"

"Oh!" Gai sensei yelled, "Quick, I must administer the kiss of life!"

"No!" Orochimaru argued, "I'll do it!"

Anko shot them both a death glare and did the mouth-to-mouth herself. Seconds passed and Iruka coughed and opened his eyes. Anko stroked his forehead soothingly.

"…Let me guess…" Iruka mumbled, "…I drowned?"

Orochimaru bowed his head, "I'm sorry…"

"You almost killed me…"

The snake sannin fell to his knees and began to cry loudly, "I know…I'm so sorry…please forgive me, Iruka darling!"

Iruka raised an eyebrow as Anko yelled angrily, "He'll never forgive you, dumbass, fat shitty snake freak! And I–"

"You're right Anko…" Iruka said confidently, "I'll never forgive him for this."

Gai shuffled in the near distance, "It seems somewhat unyouthful of you not to forgive…this poor man crys his energetic tears for you Iruka-kun, and you–"

"No forgiveness." Iruka said firmly, turning his back on the sobbing sannin and pulling Anko with him.

"W-Wait! Don't go! You promised you'd stay for the whole party!" Oro-kun weeped, "Please! I'll…I'll…give you the anti-justu! You wanted that didn't you?"

"OH!" Gai sparkled and…jiggled… "YES! Please oh emotional snake of tears!"

Iruka grinned and turned to Orochimaru, "Fine…you give me the anti-jutsu and I'll forgive you."

Then several strange things happened all at once…

Orochimaru ran towards Iruka in a puppy like manner, mouth open ready to tell the anti-jutsu. Anko was shoved by the sudden appearance of Kalita whom dived straight into Orochimaru and knocked both of them into the pool, Gai sensei farted (but thankfully no one realised)…and Kakashi calmly walked onto the scene reading his favourite pervo book.

"Holy beans!" Iruka yelled and fell to his knees, his plan was almost done…and now it was all ruined, "Nooooooooooooooo!"

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…**Well…yeah… lol**

**Pepsi Dragon x**


	18. Finally

**Finally**

**Disclaimer: I don't own or make profit from this.**

**A/N I update this for those who read it… Thank you for reading lolz

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Kalita shoved the stunned Orochimaru into the pool, her hands tight around his pale neck, choking him in the water.

"YOU IDIOT!" Anko voiced Iruka's thoughts, "He was about to tell us the anti jutsu!"

Kakashi flinched, but only a fraction, "Oh…shit."

"No!" Gai cried overdramatically, "We were so close. I could feel my breasts about to vanish, but alas!"

"GRAAAAAAAAA!" Kalita yelled smaking Orochimaru's face against the pool edge, "Take away the boobies!"

"You're killing him!" Iruka managed to squawk, "Stop!"

"TAKE THEM AWAY!" Kalita yelled viciously, sticking her fingers into the snale man's nostrils and pulling hard.

Orochimaru cried and leapt out of her grasp, landing beside Iruka with the expression of a tortured scaly puppy.

"Anti-Boob…" Orochimaru murmured forming a set of complicated and unique hand seals.

There was a soft hiss, the sound of deflating balloons as Kakashi and Gai's chests jiggled and then fell flat. Ecstatic by this outcome Gai ripped his clothes off to make sure it was true and felt his chest with vigor.

"Oh youthful powers! YES! YES! YESSSS!" Gai screamed, closing his eyes in glee and running his hands all over himself.

"Disgusting." Kalita muttered, before turning to Kakashi and feeling his chest to make sure his freaky boobs were gone too.

Orochimaru sat distraught with a bleeding pulpy face, sobbing into his hands and mumbling something that sounded like, all he ever wanted was a few friends. Iruka pitied the snake and bent down to put an arm around his shoulder. The snake was most overjoyed by this and slid his hands into Iruka's pants. Iruka shrieked.

"NO!" Anko yelled, pulling Orochimaru up and flinging him back into the pool, "Come on guys…let's blow this joint."

"What about Gekkou and Genma's boob problem?" Iruka said sheepishly.

Kakashi smiled, "I memorised the hand seals…I'll go by and cure them…right now…"

Kakashi and a grumpy Kalita poofed out of existence. Orochimaru was left gurgling in his pool, with Gai feeling himself up ecstatically as he followed Iruka and Anko out of the demented lair.

"Now what?" Iruka sighed.

"OH!" Gai shouted cheerily, "We must stop by the Hokage Sama's! She must have Konoha Nude Calendar Competition Results!"

"Oh yeah…" Anko said with a smirk, "And you better be in it Iruka baby!"

Tsunade smiled as the three squashed into her office, "Well…"

"So who's in it?" Anko demanded impatiently.

Tsunade held her grin, which appeared somewhat forced, "You will all find out tomorrow."

"Just tell me now!" Anko grumbled.

"No…no, tomorrow I'm going to gather all the winners and we will have the photo shoot. Until then, I will thank you to LEAVE ME ALONE! I'm stressed!"

Iruka, Anko and Gai were literally blown out of her office. Iruka's stomach did a back flip, as far as his memory was concerned, he remembered he'd been some where at least in the top ten. He shuddered to imagine the women and housewives of Konoha ogling at his naked glory in next years calendar…

"I can't wait until tomorrow!" Anko whined, "Damn Tsunade…"

Kakashi, Genma, Gekkou and girlfriends poofed into a sudden existence, smiling so brightly they could probably out shine Gai.

"Finally got rid of the chest problem." Genma said cheerily, his senbon bobbing up and down with gusto.

Genma pulled out a deck of cards, "Why don't we all go back to my place have some drinks and play poker to celebrate?"

Gai smiled, "Wow! Poker, I've never played before!"

Everyone sweatdropped, they hadn't intended to invite him…but everyone was too happy to reject him, even Iruka.

"Sure…let's go." Iruka said with a smile.

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**Hmm…boobies…gone lmao. Short chap, but hope it was okay!**

**Pepsi D**


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